starless

it's been a bit of a while since i had my room to myself. i look up towards my window. singapore's night skyline is starless as ever. i only saw stars here during those times i floated on my back in bullion park's swimming pool. the stars weren't as bright as how i remembered them when i lay sprawled on the beach of malapascua a couple of years ago. orion, which was the one constellation i could only figure out aside from the big dipper, was hard to trace here. there always will be times that you're going to miss some things. i miss the stars i could easily see in cebu. i miss the privacy of my room for the entire length of the night or day. i miss pipoy, my dog. i miss my settled stomach, my stomach that wasn't experiencing any acidic surges. i miss him. i miss some parts of me.

a friend told me some nights ago that with each choice we make, there are sacrifices made. i never gave much thought about it that night until tonight. coming here entailed not seeing the stars that enthralled me during my walks at night towards home. it entailed missing the rowdy greeting of pipoy every time i get home after a hard day's work or even after a hard late night out. trying to forget someone just so i could get off a rollercoaster ride of emotions entailed missing the one person whom i wanted to be with all the time. trying to restrain myself from being expressive meant cutting my spontaneity, cutting a part of me. there are indeed sacrifices made in every choice we make. knowing what one has sacrificed for one's choices can be hard at times. but one has to be prepared for those pangs of sadness. to begin with, one has to condition himself into not regretting the choices he makes. that's we get for choosing, right?

singapore's night skyline is starless as ever. my heart tonight goes out to the sacrifices i've made. i wish i could keep my room to myself a little longer. i wish i could hold him tonight. i wish i am myself tonight. i wish. i wish. i wish. but there are no stars to wish upon tonight.

anong tulog???

adrian jorge restauro! tinakot mo ko!

i suddenly felt that the snoring stopped. but i continued writing my last entry thinking that i could sleep after i finish it! my ging gang gooly gracious goodness, i felt that something was weird. i looked behind my back, blinked. didn't see anything. then i looked back again, no blink, and there was this black figure standing at the door! huwaaaaaaaaa!!! adrian kainis ka!!! ang dilim kasi ng room. he startled me! then the mokong just laughed!

hehehe... hahaha! then he told me that i was too engrossed with writing that i didn't notice daw na he was twirling pa pala may hair before he tiptoed towards the door. tinest nya if mararamdaman ko and matatakot ako! langya ka adrian! hehehe

at least a laugh would be a good way to end the night! good night aswang! hehehe

my own island

i'm a daydreamer. i conjure in my mind some situations i'd like to happen. i imagine a lot of things. during my schooldays, i used to imagine having my own island where all the people i care about, family and friends, live. i used to imagine that i'm the one thing in common with all the people living in this island of mine. i used to imagine spending my time and days going around all the houses in my island since they are homes to people who knew me and care about me.

recently, i've thought about how this dream has been, partially, coming true. the little island of singapore has somewhat become my island. when i came here, i knew a lot of people already, people who will see through with me happy and trying times. i've also unexpectedly met old acquaintances whom i never thought would be here and i've established some bond with them. and now, more of my friends are coming here. one is already snoring at this moment here in my room! hehehe. and to top it all, i've made new friends here through connections. singapore feels so "friendster". it feels so "multiply"!

some people find singapore boring. for me, i'm having a blast here! this just became my island. all that's left is to have my family here! and find super duper true love! hehehe

----

my toothache has evaporated. finally! blogging lang pala ang lunas! bwehehehe... i can finally sleep. good night singapore! :D

pain

some say the most unbearable pain is the pain borne by the heart: heartache (kadramahan). pero jessica zafra refuted this by stating in one of the installments of her book, twisted, that there's no pain like a toothache! agree! at bakit? it just woke me up. it's giving me a terrible headache. it's numbing some part of my neck. i can't go back to sleep. and i feel like it's the end of the world for me!

ano ba to??? sana hindi ito ung kinatatakutan ko! na nagpaparamdam na ang 3rd molar (wisdom tooth) sa left side ng set of teeth ko! november last year na-trauma ako sa ganito kasakit sa right side naman. kasi nag-eerupt na pala ung 3rd molar ko sa right side. akala ko may taning na ang buhay ko nun! akala ko wala nang 2006 for me! had to have it removed and had to suffer for four weeks recuperating. waaahhhh, ayoko nang magpa-remove ulit.

fairy toothmother, tulungan nyo naman ako. i just want to sleep!!! super big ang day tomorrow with activities i cannot miss! bigyan nyo na lang ako ng heartache. matanggal lang tong toothache! ay! i should be careful what i ask for, i might just get it! :p

puhleaze let me sleep.... hu hu hu

blooper #4 prediction

wag naman sana!!!!

i just called up francis to defrost the remaining fish that we have sa bahay. kasi i-si-steam ko sya! and then i remembered my bloopers today and my failed steamed fish kina sue the first and last time i attempted cooking steamed fish!!!!

wag naman sana tonight! puhleaze!

:p

bloopers

ha ha ha!!! :p

blooper #1:
i was helping out adz with his applications. i'd been sending emails to some friends and people whom i met once or twice and whom, from my vague recollection, i talked with about getting jobs in singapore. i came across a certain bert ocon's contacts in my phone. i emailed him stating that i was princess' friend whom he met at matt's despidida party a few days ago and that as what we discussed, i'd be sending him the resume of my friend once the latter gets here. this bert ocon replied that he's a migration specialist based on australia but that i wasn in luck since he's a filipino and a fellow cebuano. he drafted instead a migration proposal for adz! hehehe... as i went through again my phone's contacts, the person i should have contacted was a certain virgil cola! it was a total mix up! hahaha. hmmm, or could it be that that was a sign for something else? when i told adz about this, he said that maybe he's not meant to work in singapore. or it could be that i'm meant to move to australia! hmmm, matingnan nga ang proposal kay adz... hehehe... and now i remember who bert ocon really is. he's the consultant of tita butch, the tita of sue. :D super connection na naman ito! :p

blooper #2:
i sent an email to hermes about the prizes boney, larry, and i bought for the mooncake festival dice game we're having this saturday. ava! nag-reply ba naman ang hermes kung bakit ko daw sya binibisaya! when i read my email again, hahaha! bisaya words scattered all over! :p sorry herms, ka-email ko kasi lahat ng bisaya sa mundo today so ayun napuno na ng bisaya words lahat ng email ko! :p

blooper #3:
di ko sya actually blooper. and it isn't really funny. someone i know told a lie. i thought he was just going home for this month and then work again next month. he kept secret the real deal. ang hindi nya alam, all over the world ang connections ko and people just spill news on me! sabi nga ni sue, di pa nya alam ang "small world" phenomenon wherein kakilala ko ang kakilala mo or magiging kakilala mo. ayun, nahuli ko tuloy na nagsinungaling sya. and sabi nung source ko, nagulat daw sya nung tinanong sya about me kasi magkakilala kami nung source ko (onga naman!). hay nakakalito ito but i won't drop any names to protect the person pa rin. :)

blooper #4:
to come pa. hehehe

i wonder what other bloopers will happen today! masarap mag-blog pag mga bloopers! :p

a tapestry of events

had a very interesting afternoon... and a happy one at that!

first, before going out of the office to meet sue, i logged on to my gmail to ask miriam about something. before sya nag-reply sa question ko, she said that adrian just finished giving his farewell speech at nec. and superstar daw ako sa speech nya! ava! talaga naman! hehehe

had to call adz. i couldn't contain my excitement to know what he told everyone during his speech. well, sabi nya lang na nung tinanong na sya nung top 5 nya, i was the first one whom he mentioned! ang hava hava ng hair ko! hehehe... i asked him what reason he gave... he said he didn't say any reason at all. lalong humaba ang hair ko dun! akalain na sabihin nyang nasa top 5 nya ako na walang reason. i wonder what went through the minds of my ex-officemates.. pero expected naman yun e... may point din naman kasi in our lives na para kaming kambal tuko sa pagsasama palagi! i just remembered na na-special mention din ako ni dexter during his farewell speech din! ang noel ay report kaagad sa kin. of course, sino bang bading di maiinggit nun sa sobrang ka-cute-an ni dexie at binanggit pa ko. inisip siguro nila na merong something sa min ni daomingster. of course meron! strong friendship! :)

after that call, sue and i boarded bus 166 bound to harbourfront. nung nag-stop ung bus malapit sa science park (was it normanton sue?) . ava, merong dalawang guys na sumisilip sa amin ni sue sa window! nung nakita ko! holy mama! si heinz mark vargas! ang dating kilabot ng mga nsp girls and gays! hahaha... just yesterday and that morning i was trying to get his contacts coz i had to contact him about an opportunity that would fit him... i knew he started working here na pero haven't seen him pa... then kung kelan ko sya kinontact, saka ko sya accidentally nakita! serendipity daw un, sabi ni sue! uhm, iibigin ko na ba sya??? hehehe... of course not, taken na ang pusho ko! ubo! ubo! ubon! :p

then had a fun filled GNO (girl's night out) dinner at breeks with sue, lai, and romae... kami ni romae girly girly lang... so puede pa rin sa GNO! :p the four of us girls started this GNO last august.. every month after sueldo kain kami sa di pa namin nakakainan na restaurant and dapat alphabetical order! nung august, we went to athens in bukit timah. it's a greek restaurant. masarap din pala ang greek food. specialty nila ang different dips for their pitas. the only thing that we didn't quite like was the lamb lasagna... actually i forgot the name but lamb ung laman nya and eggplant na parang lasagna tingnan. we were supposed to have our B restaurant last september kaso naging complicated ang lives namin nun so na-postpone! so we went to breeks earlier. i think that was fusion restaurant! :p masawap din! and the waiters were mostly pinoys na in a way flirty flirty ng konti sa amin... hmmm, sino kaya ang natipuhan??? :D mahirap talaga pag maganda lahat ang kumakain! :D had some nice story telling with the girls... at syempre sino pa ba ang i-gi-grill nila kundi ako! sawi na nga ako sa pag-ibig, parang lusyang pa ang points ko dun sa GNO interview! hehehe

then coming home, ang highlight ng gabi? ay naka-chat ko si heinz for quite a while! may maiinggit na naman nito! pero wala friendly chat lang about how we both came here and found each other! CHARING! serendipity at it's finest! hehehe

but of course, when i go to sleep, i think of someone else... kahit minsan naiinis ako dun sa mga di ko malaman na bigla na lang pala magbabago ang plan nya kahit may napag-usapan na kami previously, masaya pa rin ako at okay sya. masaya ako at nakausap ko na naman sya kaninang umaga. rollercoaster ang damdamin ko ngayon dahil sa kanya. pero sige lang, pain is essential. napapa-alala nya sa kin yun. besides, pag mahal mo, ipaglalaban mo... pag mahal mo, kaya mong mag-antay. at sabi nga nila, enjoy ko na lang every moment i'm with him. :)

roland again

yesterday i sent roland an email. i haven't heard from him for quite a while. we haven't "seen" each other in MSN for some time already. yesterday rekindled our gusto for emailing each other. in 2004 and 2005, we were like inseparable via email. we would email each other daily. even on weekends! on weekdays, we'd email through our company's emails. at night and weekends, we'd email each other through my personal email account (through my PDA) and his mobile phone's email. there wasnt any dull moment talking with this very special friend. :) if there was, i don't remember it at all. ;)

yesterday i just burst out to him all my frustrations in this so-called love life of mine. before, it was him who came running to me about all his heartaches. now, it's my turn. i'm pretty sure we were meant to do this with each other! hehehe. i can say that i became part of his strength in braving against the turmoil of his love life. and now he is replacing with sense the confusion that is housing my heart and mind at this moment. thanks dear sir for all the support.

if only we were geographically near, i'd be receiving from this friend of mine all the hugs i need in this world! ;)


see you soon my dear sir! spring will be coming soon..... ;) the sakuras will be in full bloom when we see each other again. i hope the sakuras will be as lovely as the ones behind you in the picture above. and i hope by that time, you already like looking at trees like i do! hehehe

all is done

when you're so emotionally IN to someone, you fail to see the signs of how that someone is IN to you. the slightest attention that he gives you is magnified by your hopes into thoughts that he might have something special for you too. of course, you've got to be thankful that you've got friends who can shake you out of your deluded self from time to time. they give you glimpses of the real score between you and the object of your affection. sadly, more often than not, you still continue holding on even to the least attention that he gave you as far(fetched) as you can remember. in times like this, you should never forget to pray for a concrete sign. love can take you to a rollercoaster ride especially if the object of your affinity is giving you mixed signals.

good thing for me that i've been hoping and waiting for a sign. the heavens sent me not just a concrete sign, but a sign that was so into my face. it just came to me without the need to decipher or interpret anything. it was plain, simple, easy to understand and digest. it hurt but at least that shook me out of my dreams. i can finally get off the rollercoaster ride.