the one who got away

i saw ken's pics earlier. the ones that were taken during our bbq party at sue and johnny's place. i forgot how handsome ken can be in the pictures until i saw those pics. (coz honestly i don't find him that handsome in person. bwehehe)

i also saw a candid shot of me in the kitchen. i think i was slicing mushrooms or pineapples which i used for the spaghetti i was preparing then. that pic reminded me of a fleeting moment at the kitchen while i was putting something in the microwave oven. i looked towards the sala to catch a glimpse of ken. i saw him looking at me. the moment i looked at him, he hurriedly looked away. there was something in the way he looked at me and in the way he looked away from me. i'm not sure what it was but i felt that it was a special kind of look. the kind of look with a longing attached to it. i didn't want to believe it then but now that i think of it, it really was possible.

i already liked ken then. that look could have been my cue. but i never took courage to do anything about it. now, he has a girlfriend. i'm happy for him. we've stopped communicating. i have moved on. it's easy to move on when you know the object of your affection is happy with someone else.

i may never have had the chance to be with him; looking back though, i'm happy i had that "look and look away" moment from him. it feels special to know that i stirred something within him.

the lesson learned is to take courage in expressing oneself so that there won't be any more "missed" chances or "missed" people. i know this truth. i've known it since forever ago. but i don't know. i'm still afraid. more so now.