hodgepodge of thoughts

it's been a while since my last post which was 5 days ago. not really that long ago naman but considering that i posted almost every day before that that sometimes i'd have more than one entry in one day. as i told my friends who are frequent readers of my blog (frequent na nakiki-chismis ng ka-corny-han about me), i've reached a plateau in my emotions once again. when i'm in that state, wala akong naiisulat. when i'm in that state, i'm a normal person. pag depressed ako or super high sa saya, it means i'm abnormal. kaya if you're feeling any one of those extremes, abnormal ka sa ngayon! :p

most of my posts before were borne out of thinking too much about someone. if you've noticed, kahit na iba ang topic, meron akong naisisingit about him. or if i hadn't given any hint about him in any post, i'm sure when i was writing, i had stopped at some point just to think of him. so, why have i suddenly stopped? just a number of realizations thanks to my own musings and with the help of some friends who unknowingly (like jokingly) dropped me some lines to ponder on.

first and foremost, distance. i originally thought that distance can be bridged with perseverance. there may be cases where it can happen but not with mine. how can i one-sidedly communicate with someone whom i barely know except for bits of information i get from time to time? with that said, it brings me to my next realization. i barely know him. how on earth did i ever fall for someone i hardly know? just because i dreamt about him for more than a couple of times, i shouldn't have put my heart on it right away. thirdly, a friend jokingly told me "di ka naman loyal". aray! but somehow there's some grain of truth to it that's why it hurt. ang dami ko kasing crush crushan jan. parang di ko pa alam ang gusto ko. well, alam ko naman talaga, it's just that it had been difficult. well for me. i know a lot of my friends out there are prodding me to be brave and let it all out. but trust me, it's easier said than done. lastly, there are certain things that complicate things. or maybe i'm just the one complicating it. hehehe. let me just put it at that. hehehe.

anyways, yeah, my emotions have reached a plateau. :) and i'm going out and having fun with my friends and talk about him from time to time with nary a depressed look anymore when his name is dropped on me. ;)

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lately, partly din siguro i don't want to write anything on my blog is that i feel like ang bobo ko na. i don't think i carry any more intelligent conversations with people. di ko na kasi alam pano mag-isip. if in english ba or tagalog or bisaya! hehehe. i probably just need some moments to myself. para naman ma-iron out ko ulit ung principles ko, yung goals ko, yung feelings ko, and yung mga beliefs ko. minsan kasi feeling ko nagiging balimbing na ko or nagiging too agreeable by default or being nonchalant to what's happening around me. hehehe. ang gulo ng utak! :p

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we went to boney's place pala yesterday para sa house warming nila and late bday celebration nya. sue commented that someone looked like him. sino sino to sila? hahaha...

anyways, it's time to sleep. :D

would like to suggest the restaurant "ichi ban boshi" in wisma atria to all guys in singapore! super sarap! grabeh! ;)