cycle
and another one of my posts before... February 27, 2004... grabeh! mushy mushy talaga ako nun dun sa ex ko! the good thing with keeping one's old mushy writes, you'll have something to laugh at because you've totally moved on! i remember the boy na lang but i don't remember the feeling anymore! :p
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15 minutes to go and it'll be february 28. it'll be a year since that night he kissed and held me. they weren't kisses and hugs borne out of love though, on that night, for we were mere acquaintances who happened to answer the call of mundane desires unraveled that night by a few tequila shots for him and a couple of cocktail drinks for me.
i remember him telling me to text him after that shortlived making out. we didn't go farther than below our chests. i guess the drinks we had weren't able to totally eradicate our inhibitions. what followed were a series of text messages composed in different styles to lure him to meeting me again. well, we met again only on march 3. and that became "our date".
but barely 2 months passed, we just broke away. relaying what happened is more painful than when it actually happened.
yet all this time after that, i'm still here, probing around possibilities and getting burned all over again. this seems confusing yet, i, too, am confused. in between that bitter break away and now, i had had my alternate coldness and pleadings towards him. and just recently i just came to a conclusion that i do love him right after my previous conclusion that it was only lust. funny, i even made a poem of this "love" i just realized.
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if love were measured by the times a heartbeat skips
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but i'm only kidding myself! no matter how i describe an implosion of bliss within just because of the mere sight of him, i still feel hollowed, dissatisfied and depressed! stupid me! pathetic!
yet i do not want to go on feeling this way. even though i've allowed myself to call myself stupid and pathetic at this time, i'll try hard to really move on! i'll allow myself to wallow this time for me to shed off everything about him! and i'm writing it here where anyone can read this for me to be reminded that this is a promise long overdue to myself. at least this time, i'll have more witnesses than a meager number of friends who became tired of listening to my cyclic feelings!
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