Remembering You Beloved

Beloved,

Tonight is one of those nights I wade through memories of you. It has been a year since we created those memories. Try as I may, I can never remove you out of me. Never completely. Everything that surrounds me reminds me of you. Necklaces. Books. Shoes. Clothes neatly hung in the closet. Dirty clothes scattered around me. Pillows. The bed. Piles of anything. Disarray of anything. Everything.

Yes, everything. You never created memories with me of everything, though. Except maybe for taxi cabs, tequila shot glasses, beers, cellphones, dimly lit restaurants and unventured hotel rooms. But I, I created memories with you of everything. I had dreams of us together involving everything. From trips to sugar-fine beaches in Cebu and Iloilo, escapades to the majestic mountains and caves of Sagada, Bontoc and Banaue, getaways to the mystical old towns of Batanes and Vigan. To holding hands along the avenues of Ayala and Makati, tight embraces under an umbrella on a rainy night in The Fort, stolen kisses on long walks in the stretch of Musashi-Kosugi. Up to me cooking my tocino-tasting adobo and you your spicy meal concoctions I've only heard of, us leaving the dishes for the morning and retiring playfully on our enchanted bedroom perfumed by jasmine-scented candles and burning incense. Yes, I created such memories for us. And more...

You see, I dreamt so much for us. Yet you never saw it. You went and played your games. I played it for a while too but I only ended up losing. Every time. All the time.

But a year has passed. I am only left with memories of you and I. Memories, I said, I created for us two without you knowing they ever existed. They were waiting to come true. For a year.

As the past year inched towards this time, this night, you seem to drift farther away from me. Distance does help in forgetting. But I've only forgotten what I felt for you. My dreams remain. And they always will until someone sees it and makes them come true. That someone can still be you. Or not.

Remembering,
Me

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and the last entry to my old blog posted on June 24, 2004... awww, it's still about my first guy... grabeh ko kaigo! murag meteor nitugpa sa akong head!