lord, bakit ako pa?

ay naku! kabago bago ko pa nga lang dito sa pinapasukan kong pabrika at ang dami ko nang pinagdaanan (sabihin na nating sa pabrika ako nagtatrabaho para naman ala pelikula ang kuento ng aking career sa gemplus now turned gemalto). para na kong pro tuloy dito sa ginagawa ko!

6 months na ko dito sa beloved kong kompanya. at sa 6 months na yan, eto ang mga nangyari sa first ever project ko:
1. inassign ako as validation in-charge sa proprietary os ng project. mega aral ang beauty ko. wala kaya akong alam sa smartcards, smartcard os, rom, eeprom, emulators, at embedded.
2. ang daming new features para sa os na hinahandle ko sa project na toh!!! eh, ang mga dating projects kaya parang reuse lang from old os. eh kailangan kong gumawa ng sangkatutak na test docs, design, and codes!!!
3. kailangang ilipat from rom to eeprom ang isang test filter. ano yun??? mega test adaptation ang ginawa ko! anong alam ko sa test filters, rom, at eeprom???
4. in the middle of validation na critical na ang sked, nalaman na lang namin na isang limitasyon sa emulator na ginagamit namin? isep isep ako ng solusyon! ava, may solusyon? at sabi pa ng team lead ko, sa akin nakasalalay ang testing na ni-limit nung limitasyon na yun! hindi po ako si darna! isang milyong files ang kailangan kong baguhin para lang ma-test ang ni-limit nung limitasyon!!! hindi naman... hehehe... mga 30 test files lang ung kailangan kong baguhin. ang konti noh?
5. chip emulators, card emulators, burning to chip, reading chip manuals, reading emulator manuals, chip os commands. need i say more? anong kinalaman ko dun?
6. at ang matindi pa!!! nasiraan ako ng emulator one time... grrrr! kung kelan super busy. tapos wala pang pampalit ung tools in-charge namin. may pinalit pala sya kaso last weekend ko lang nalaman na mali ung pinalit nya. pero vaket nag-work, aver???

hehehe... mega talon talon ako sa hurdles na mga yan. nung may lang ako nag-start sa project ko. pero sa awa ng diyos nalampasan ko lahat with rainbow colors. pero, lord, bakit ako pa??? two weeks yata akong mega-overtime. asus, as if di ako sanay noh? eh, hanggang 10 lang naman ako nag-oovertime dito! and for two weeks lang. so sisiw sya! ;)

kahit medyo na-pressure ako nung last two weeks kasi sobrang critical yun sked, it paid off naman. dami ko natutunan. na-prove ko na kaya kong gawin lahat ng pinapagawa within sked. at at at. sabi pa nung manager ko nung nag one on one evaluation kami last week, "you exceeded our expectations".

wowowow! ang haba ng hair ko. feeling ko tuloy kumikita na ng bilyon ang pabrika dahil sa akin! hehehe. sabi pa ng super bait kong manager na di lang ako nag-exceed ng expectations nila kundi minimal support pa ang kinailangan ko! ava, vow na pala sila! :p at sa isipan ko, sir, hindi lang po ako maganda, masarap magluto, kumakanta't sumasayaw, magaling din po ako sa kama, este, marunong din naman po ako at madaling matuto! :p

masaya ako at napunta ako sa pabrikang ito. nakaka-bilib, ung manager namin kinakausap kami every month or at least quarterly para sa mga bagay-bagay na gusto naming iparating sa kanya. practice na rin yun actually sa amin. bakit di kaya lahat ng nasa management gawin ang ganun? at ang manager namin, namumuri talaga. at alam mong di ka pababayaan.

bleee na lang sa pabrikang pinasukan ko nun. pinakawalan nila ang hindi lang maganda, maalindog, at masarap na empleyado kundi isang empleyado na malaki ang maibibigay sa tagumpay ng isang proyekto tulad na lang ng isang bilyong kita! hahaha. as if! nagbubuhat na ko ng silya ko! :p

naalala ko lang. may vg yatang nabanggit sa akin dati. ngayon fa na daw. hmmmm... :p

parang true

elle: nets, tinititigan ako ng mga lalaki o. iksi ba ng palda ko sobra?
nets: halika dito. aakbayan kita.
elle: bakit? tayo ba?
nets: bakit? hindi ba?
elle: ah, wala pang nangyari sa tin ha.
nets: bakit? kailangan bang may mangyari?
elle: ah, so platonic pala ito? gusto ko ng volcanic eh.
nets: hehehe

hehehe... yun lang :p

the nastiest bite

i just finished watching a national geographic show where a scientist measured different animal bites. he ranked the animals' bites according to whose was strongest. here's the ranking starting from the lowest to the highest:

man (animal ka talagang tao ka!)
wild dog (from africa)
domestic dog (a rottweiler)
great white shark (muntik nang nahulog ang scientist sa dagat! gosh! paka-hero!)
african lion
hyena (so ugly an animal)
alligator snapping turtle (di naman pinakita na kumain sya ng alligator! :p)
crocodile (sa sobrang laki at lakas, nahulog sa swamp ung scientist! scariest ever!)

the crocodile had 150% stronger bite than the turtle which had 25% stronger bite than the lion and the shark. eh, when you see a shark biting its prey, it's already then end of the world for that prey due to its bite.

anyways, ako kaya? i also have a nasty bite. but not something that you'd be scared of. i bite lovingly. kaya masarap! nasty sarap! hahaha

insecurity

ang insecure nga taw, di jud mahimutang. bisan unsa na lang ang huna-hunaon. paranoid. bisan unsa ka gagmay nga butang o panghitabo butangan og dakog meaning nga pasamot sa pagka-insecure.

sama nako. naa lang juy mga panahon nga tukaran ko sa pagka-insecure. kahibalo ko nga sayop. kahibalo ko nga walay dapat ka-insecuran. pero unsaon ta man. usahay bation jud. sama ra sa mga panahon nga bation ko sa kaanyag. dili kapugngan. mokalit lang. ang diperensya kay ang pagbati sa kaanyag mopuno sa confidence level og makapalipay, apan ang pagbati sa insecurity kay makapa-depress. makapasakit sa dughan og tiyan.

pero at least kabalo ko. knowing is the first step to improving. maayo unta og bation na ko sa kaguapa ugma. maayo unta og motaas akong hair. para smiling na pud ko ugma. og daghan dayong maibog nako. as usual!

personalities of names

neil ian - bako, intsikon, buotan, hilumon, gukdunon og bayot, guapuhon

chris cesar - dakog awm sa ilong, dangas og agtang, debateable ang ka-guapo, hambugiro, gukdunon og bayot

giovanni - bugason, hamis og nipis og legs, buta kung walay antipara, murag hubakon kung mokatawa, artihon

arvin - hambugiro, isog, dakog tiyan

noel - murag hapon, maayo musayaw, niwang, fatherly, pa-relihiyoso effect, bugal bugalon

ricky - heartbreaker, guapuhon, misteryoso, hilumon, flirt sa text, daghag sekreto, gukdunon og babay, laki, og bayot

rj - igat, bigaon, lamion, gukdunon og bayot, player, murag hyena kung mobuhakhak og katawa

christopher - guapo, puti, mubo, maayo mo-gitara, magikero, usa sa mga maayo mo-respeto

dexter - buotan, cute cute

louie - suplado, maldito, pranka, pero dali ra pakataw-on kung mas maldita ka, libog og utok

adrian - maayo nga amigo, lami muluto, daghag talento

jonathan - nindot og lawas, maayog math, pa-virgin effect, palahubog

neil - malumanay, buotan, miss congeniality, pa-bugnaw og tingog effect, gukdunon og bayot

ken - debateable, guapuhon, humot, bugal bugalon, igat og flirt, indianero, gukdunon og laki og bayot

bob - gukdunon og laki, babay og bayot, guapuhon, daghag awm sa nawng, pa-misteryoso effect, lawm og huna huna, mousab sa iyang kaugalingon para sa kamaayuhan, dali kaibgan

boney - igat, buotan, bright, business-minded, future-oriented

harold - bayot buang

roland - bayot, guapo, niwang, arti, libog, daghang naibgan

emman - libog og utok, weird og mga ganahan, ambot lang

claudette yamin

nakakatuwa talaga ung mom ni elliott! :D

some quotes:

"Sure, you can take my picture," she says. "Make me blond, blue-eyed, 21 and gentile."

"I'm a person whose ego is big enough to enjoy it."

"See me winking?" she says, laughing. "Big bucks."

"On TV, I saw a ticket to the show that was going for $1,750," she says. "I wouldn't pay that to see God."

here's the link to the article: http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD%2FMGArticle%2FRTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1149189064324&path=!flair&s=1045855936229

drama

madrama na naman daw ang buhay ko ngayon... hindi kaya! drama-dramahan lang yan! pampalipas oras... paglalabas ng literary juices... pag-gawa ng mga imahinasyon... pag-tsi-tsismis... pagkukunwari... pagkukunwari kunyari... paglalabas ng kalooban... paglaladlad ng katotohanan... drama-dramahan lang talaga... tulad nito:

ako: ateh, may sekreto ako.
ate: ano?
ako: sekwet nga eh.
ate: eh, sira ka pala eh... ba't mo sabihin sa king may secret ka at di mo naman i-share???
ako: kasi secret eh
ate: hello, miss. hello, miss! pag sinabi mo sa isang tao na may secret ka, nagpapahiwatig un na i-sha-share mo sa kanya ung secret mo. at ang secret, dapat may ibang naka-alam para maging secret. unless kung may dual personality ka.
ako: pano kung may dual personality ako?
ate: naku, lumayo layo ka na at nakakatakot ka na.
ako: ate, gusto mo bang malaman talaga?
ate: ang tanong, gusto mo bang i-share?
ako: maganda ako.
ate: ano?
ako: maganda ako.
ate: ha?
ako: yan ang secret ko. maganda ako.
ate: ay secret nga sya. hindi kita eh.
ako: pag gabi lang kasi ate.
ate: pano nangyayari yun aber? ahhh, kasi magaling magtago ng kapangitan ang gabi. may punto ka nga naman. i-secret mo na lang yan. nakakatako ibulgar!
ako: ate naman. actually, dalawa ang secret ko.
ate: ano naman yung isa? buntis ka?
ako: hindi. dalawa ako.
ate: ha? dalawa ka?
ako: dual personality.
ate: alam mo bang may mga importanteng bagay sa mundo ang puedeng pag-usapan? tulad ng pag-ibig.
ako: tama ka ate. mahal ko ang pangalawa ko. pangalan nya danny.
ate: aba may pa-danny danny ka pa jan. hoy danica, naging danica lang tawag namin sayo kasi pinakiusap mo na tawagin ka naming ganun. eh ikaw naman talaga si danny eh. actually baka tatlo pa kayo. naalala ko ang totoo mong pangalan ay danilo.
ako: ate, mahal ko si danny.
ate: natural na mahalin mo sarili mo.
ako: kakaiba eh. naiisip ko sya sa gabi. nararamdaman ko ang kanyang mga haplos. mga kamay ko ay kamay nya. mga labi ko't labi nya ay tila iisa. pero magkaiba ang aming pagkatao. nag-uusap nga kami eh.
ate: nakakatakot ka na. mag-switch ka na ng mode.
ako: ............
ate: ano? natahimik ka?
ako: switching mode lang ateh.
ate: uy danica, danny, danilo, whatever, tigilan mo ko.
ako: kaya bang i-explain ang pag-ibig ateh?
ate: .............
ako: ateh?
ate: di ko alam.
ako: di mo pala alam, bakit mo ko kinukutya kung iniibig ko si danny?
ate: eh kasi ka-weirduhan na ang pinagsasabi mo!
ako: weird ba ang pag-ibig ateh?
ate: hindi.
ako: so hindi ako weird.
ate: ..............
ako: ate, nagmahal ka na ba?
ate: ayoko ng ganyang usapan.
ako: bakit naman ateh?
ate: eh, sabi nang ayoko ng ganyang usapan.
ako: masakit siguro ang nangyari sayo. sabi ni danny, pag masyado ka raw nasaktan dahil sa pag-ibig, magiging bitter ka daw. totoo yata.
ate: leche! danilo tumigil ka na. para ka nang baliw nyan.
ako: dati, nung wala pa si danny, akala ko ang pag-ibig ay para lang sa magaganda. pero nung dumating sya, nung minahal nya ko, naisip ko meron din palang nakalaan para sa akin. meron din palang magmamahal sa kin. sabi ni danny, maganda daw ako. gumanda nga ang feeling ko sa sarili ko. kaya yun ang secret ko ateh. yun ang dalawa kong secret. at baka nga mabuntis ako. may nangyari na sa amin ni danny eh. masama ba yun?
ate: hoy, danilo, ipapa-doktor na kita.
ako: tama nga ateh. kasi baka mabuntis ako!
ate: oh, my god, ano bang nangyayari sayo?
ako: in love lang ako ateh.
ate: baliw ka na yata.
ako: sabi nga sa kanta di ba? crazy in love. oo, baliw na yata ako. dahil sa pag-ibig. masama ba yun?
ate: hindi yun masama. pero nakakatakot ka na.
ako: nakakatakot naman talaga ang mga bagay na hindi natin alam.
ate: ..............
ako: ateh?
ate: .............
ako: ateh, papakilala kita kay danny. siguro sa mga darating na gabi.
ate: .............
ako: magugustuhan mo sya.
ate: danica, tama na. tama na muna ang satsat. tama na ang drama. oras na para matulog.
ako: sige po ateh.
ate: ilalagay na kita ulit sa kahon mo ha. bukas ulit, pag-usapan natin ang mga bagay na yan.
ako: opo ateh. good night ateh dan.
(at kinuha ni dan ang kahon sa tabi nya. binuksan. hinubaran ang manikang si danica ng kanyang duster na damit. pinasok sa kahon at ipinatong sa ibabaw ng damit manikang panlalaki. isinara ang kahon. sa labas ng kahon nakasulat ang mga pangalang danica, danny, at danilo.)

ano ba itong naisulat ko??? literary juice nga ba itu? hehehe... :p

sometimes

sometimes you only get a stare
when what you hope for is a smile

sometimes you do get a smile
when you're waiting for an answer to a question

sometimes you get a shrug or a nod as an answer
when all you want is to hear him speak

sometimes you get to hear his voice
but what you're wishing is to reach out and hold him

sometimes all you're afforded is a handshake
when you're dying to love him

and sometimes these sometimes
are almost always most of the time

signs!!!

ewan ko na lang ha! ginugulo ang mundo ko! kanina pa ko add nang add nang pic dito kaso ayaw!!! nag-e-error sya! is this a sign ba??? ang gulo ng world noh?

ang dami ko pa naman sanang i-post na pic... sa room ko... sa bahay kasi nag mega shopping na naman si romae for two nights in a row para sa kagandahan ng aming house... sa calligraphy na pinagawa ko from chinatown.... at sa isang scary pic na kinuha ng camera phone ko na sya lang mag-isa! gosh!

the signs itu!

actually iba ang title nitong post na to... eh, iniba ko na lang kasi walang pic eh... makapag-try ngang gumawa ng bagong blog at ma-try kung walang error maglagay ng pic! bwehehehe

staying put

wehehehe... :p

it's weird! when i checked my blog just now, the font for my old posts is fine; exactly how i remember them when i posted them. but earlier at the office, the font was big and different from the posts i made today. hmmm... probably it was because i wasn't supposed to be blogging in the office. hehehe... ssshhhh...

that should have probably been the sign and not that i needed to move on and move out. but why not di ba? why not move out and move on when it will do me better than staying put? what do moving on and moving out entail? why not stay put? well, to answer my own questions, it's simply because staying put means being true to who i am, to what i feel, to what my aspirations are, and to who i am destined to be! naks! moving on and moving out would mean denying myself of the positive possibility that what i feel is real and true, that what i aspire will someday come true, and that who i am right now will lead me to who i am destined to become! naks na naman! :p of course, these reasons are debateable. not everyone will agree. but, of course, i am speaking for certain aspects in my life which i don't want to be fully honest about, that's why i'm making a vague description of it here! hahaha... baka isipin nyo magpapakalalaki na ko, excuse me lang ha! diyosa pa rin ako! :p

well, with these realizations minus the mistaken sign, i don't have to abandon this blog of mine after all! :p

sign???

ano bang nangyari dito sa blog ko??? at biglang lumaki ang fonts ng mga old posts ko??? wala naman akong ginawa kundi mag-post ng bago??? is this a sign? for me to move on and move out? hehehe... to create a new blog to symbolize the new me? who is the new me by the way????

just recently, two people asked me about my age. as i usually do, i told them to guess my age. one said, "28 or 29?" the other said, "uhmm, 28?" gosh! have i aged in two weeks??? dala ba ito ng stress??? i used to get answers (or questions) like: "22?"... nasan na ang 22 ko??? hehehe

maybe i'm just stressed for the past two weeks because of work. at uso naman yata ung haggard look among IT professionals. meron ngang iba jan 28 pero 35 looking na! :p pero di ko pa rin tanggap! gusto ko pa rin ung 22 ko!!! grrrr! kailangan lang ng pahinga ung katawan ko, ung isip ko, at ung puso ko lalo. so pahinga emman! hinga ng malalim. say banana!

sign ba talaga? new blog na ba?

isep isep....

secret secret...

:p

undoing

i started it with a dream
on a night of yearning
sowed and grown in slumber
this one-sided love affair
of mine with you

i shall end it with a dream
either by or when
the night closes my eyes
or the day helps me
to unlove you

booked dream

can you recommend any nice book that would be a good present?

is it for a girlfriend?

how fast thoughts are created in our minds noh? in between that question and the one that followed it, i had flashbacks of such questions posed to me here in singapore. in between that question and the one that followed it, i've recreated the instances in my mind complete with faces, backdrops, and voices. nasabi ko sa sarili ko: ayan na naman! ano ba yan???

or is it for a boyfriend?

i went blank. for a moment. i've also been asked that question before. countless times. but no reminiscing happened. maybe because that question hit something else other than my reservoir for memories. instead, it hit where dreams reside. for a split moment there were no thoughts.

bliss! yeah, it was a moment of bliss where thoughts are non-existent. and with a smile forming from my lips in slow motion, i said:

yeah, it's for my boyfriend.

ang sarap mangarap. :)

disproving a quote

and, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
the alchemist by paulo coelho

i love paulo coelho's books! the alchemist is one of those i really loved! and when i love a book, i share my love for it to people by talking about it, lending it to them, or giving it to them on special occassions. and darn! i lost my own copy of the alchemist. since i loved it so much, i lent it to one person who lent it to a million others. i didn't know whose hand it landed anymore.

anyways, i had a very interesting day; so interesting that the events today can be used for disproving one line from the alchemist which i could never forget. the one quoted above.

scene number 1:
when i got out of the condo premises kanina, aba ang daming taxi na available at walang taong nag-aabang! gosh! kung kelan inisip ko na hindi ako mag-ta-taxi kahit late ako, saka maraming taxi sa labas ng condo! last thursday and friday, i was waiting like almost 30 minutes ng taxi near our condo. ang mga dumadaang taxi either may sakay, ayaw magpa-sakay or sasakyan ng iba na bigla na lang susulpot sa kung saan at nauunahan ako kahit nauna akong nag-abang! parang the world has conspired for me not to achieve it! :p

scene number 2:
pagdating ko sa office, as in pagdating ko right before sa man-trap door ng department namin, nakasabay ko ang aking mabait na manager (kaya nakakahiya), at ang aming mga french big bosses na kanina lang din dumating. and kasalubong ko sa door ang director ng department namin na nag-uutos ng mga memo like "not coming late". eh, 10 na kaya ako dumating! i did not want that to happen at all! the world has not conspired for me to achieve that want! :p

scene number 3:
nag-meeting ung entire financial services team at 11pm dahil dun sa dumating naming french visitors. ava! inabot kami hanggang 130 na walang break for lunch! sino ba ung may gusto na magutom lalo nat walang breakfast tulad ko??? i did not want that to happen! so badly! the world has conspired to give me hunger pangs! :p

scene number 4:
approach ang aking chekwa na team leader and chekwa na crush-crushan. aba! pinagtulungan ba naman ako tungkol sa testing ko! ang arrive nung team lead ko ay parang disappointed look. yung isa naman pa-smile-smile lang. pero parang ganun din ung sinasabi. haller! uminit yung ulo ko. alam kong namumula na yung tenga ko. napansin siguro nung team lead ko kasi bigla syang huminahon at ngumiti ngiti. tumataas na rin kasi ung boses ko eh habang sinasagot ko sila! hahaha... sa lahat, ayoko ng conflict! the world just gave me the opposite. :(

scene number 5:
walang katapusang bug finding, bug fixing at kung anik anik sa work. 11pm na ko umalis ng office. gosh! gusto ko bang mag-overtime? ha paulo? hehehe.

scene number 6:
no text. the world has conspired to block all signals! :p

hehehe...

but i still love paulo coelho's book. :) and despite these experiences today, i still believe that when i really want something, the universe will help me achieve it. :)

tingnan natin!

pahabol

itching to send another text message. haven't gotten any reply from my last forwarded one. oh well.

mother teresa said this:

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.

tired musings

never been so busy in my entire working life here in singapore compared today. i'm super duper tired. i went to the office very early. i was there 9 am. started working right away. went out to lunch at 12. went back to the office at 1230. worked straight till 4. went out for a siopao. worked from 415 till 945. di na kinaya. umuwi na gutom with a throbbing head. emulators, commands, bugs, and unfinished tests spinning in my head.

then why am i still awake? had to do laundry. ubos na ang panties. the house has been unclean for two weeks already. pero nakalinis kagabi ng kitchen and room. after coming home from office. yup, i worked yesterday, a sunday! without ot pay. without taxi and meal claim. and the emulator was not functioning when i got there! oh life!

anyways, been thinking about family, work, and lovelife. ganyan yata pag stressed ako. lalong maraming iniisip!

anyways, tomorrow, a friendship in nsp will resign! hahaha... some of you might read it here first! shhhh....

the friendships are moving out of nsp na! good for you gals! ;) i'll see you in kazakhstan for our reunion! ;)

sue's working tom. can't wait to see her.

my hands and eyes are tired now.

jon, the thai guy who asked me to sleep with him just signed in to msn. don't wanna talk. don't wanna sleep with him! hehehe

good night! ahhh, tomorrow have to be at the office at 9.

wedding bells

taon talaga ito ng kasalan.

january, si amie and roger. was there kasi na-move yung flight ko to singapore.

april, si lily ann and lloyd. wasn't there. busy at work. kapos din sa budget to do a weekend uwi and dalo.

06/06/06, more than 3,000 humans in singapore ikinasal dahil sa paniniwalang lucky day ito to tie the knot. kung alam ko that time yun, itinali ko na sana si kenneth nun sa kin. nood kami ng sine nun eh. buti na lang di ko alam that time! the whole world had conspired for me not to get what i didn't deserve! bwehehehe. because something else is in store for me, mind you! ;)

anytime in july, edlyn. one of my closest friends in college whom i've lost contact with. nasa US ang girl. american na may-ari daw ng orchard or farm ung magiging hubby nya! ava, vig time!

sa august 8, janette and karl. gosh a weekday! i'm invited. definitely can't go. critical time sa project ko ang august.

september 2, bianca and arvin. just called bianca earlier and told her to find someone to replace me as emcee. with how my project is going now, my working days are uncertain. (flash report: for the past week, i worked till 10 to 11 pm. and been at the office in two weekends already. hahay)

november 8, gosh can't say! i'm bound to sekwecy! :p but gosh mid week. uncertain to be there. keeping my hopes though that i'll be granted a leave or that i'll have money then that's not budgeted for december.

december, janet and adonis. di ako invited kasi di nila alam pano ako i-contact. hehehe. i'm sure backup flower girl ako nun. napag-usapan na namin yan dati eh.

ang dami talagang kasalan this year! there must be something in the air. pati ako napapaisip ng ganyan eh. at napapahanap kung san kami puede ikasal! naks! to think na i've never in my entire life dreamt of settling down.

hay! to all my friends who got married and are yet to get married, best wishes to a good life with your partners! naway ako din pakasalan nya! :p payag na ko kahit mock wedding lang na gagawin naming dalawa sa kung saang sulok puede! :D

teng deng de deng. teng deng de deng.

ken updates

chatted with ken just before this entry. he got sick for two weeks. sick leave for 4 days. flu and bronchitis. lost 2 kg. only had water and not much solid food.

where were you when i needed you?

haller! did u ever need me??? you didn't tell me you were sick, noh!

he's contemplating on transferring to another house. he cleans the kitchen and the sala where he's staying now. his housemate just goes to the house to nestle and lays eggs.

puede pa ba dyan sa inyo?

err, tatlo na kami eh. unless kung gusto mo roommates tayo. kaso taken na ko eh. loyal ang heart ko.

lust lang yan.

whatever!

he thinks the "third sex" has "maraming puso". tingin nya in love ako sa kanya aside from someone else. gosh! may tama sa kin tong taong to. hahaha. sorry na lang. :p

beauty rest in peace na tayo.

sige good night!

nite nite.

ano daw??? nite? NITE? NITE??? paalalahanan ba naman ako? talaga naman ang mundo. pinag-iisip ako ng mga nakaraan. tatlong lalaki ngayon ang nasa isip ko. ang susuwerte nila!

saturday gay night out

romae and i had an escapade last saturday.

first we watched pirates of the caribbean dead man's chest. good thing romae likes orlando bloom. i didn't have to fight for johnny depp for the duration of the movie. hehehe. although, the second installment of the pirates of the caribbean series is incomparable to the first because of the different plot and gimmicks, i still found the first one better.

romae and i decided to go malling and club hopping at orchard after we dined at yoshinoyo. nangala man gud kog yoshinoya. :p

first stop was wheelock. romae said it was the favorite shop of his boss and some sossy sossy officemates. we couldn't figure out why. the mall looked simple compared to takashimaya and wisma atria. until we looked at the prices of the things being sold at the shops. we went inside maphisto. the first shoe i held cost $300++. my gosh ging gang gooly goodness gracious! i told romae, no wonder! bili na lang kami ng iPod nano kung ganun! may tira pa kami sa $300!

next we went to orchard towers! omigaaaaddddddddd!!! balwarte ng mga pokemon (my new term for hammer hammer)... the mall was filled with bars with names like naughty girl, crazy horse, etc. and of course, mga kababayan! nakipag-chikahan pa nga kami! there was even one sex shop. pasok naman kami. aba, may mga pampasalubong na kami sa mga taga pinas! :D and the best part of being there? frequented by caucasians! hahaha... not really that... we saw our kalahi there in their beauty and glory. thai girlalous with big boobs, big butts, and big projections. ang gaganda! rampa here. rampa there. rampa everywhere. of course, naghahanap ng customer. :p aba, makabili nga ng wig. at ma-try ang kita! bwehehehe.

as suggested by one fellow filipina at orchard towers, romae and i went to strumms bar in lucky plaza. ok naman yung bar. ang mahal lang ng beer! gulay! $10 isa! ok naman ung band. bading ang lead vocalist na guy. hindi lang singing ung ginagawa nya kundi nag-co-comedy ala basilica and 22nd street. we saw a cutie pie there. or so we thought. paglabas namin, ay wag na lang. ang nagagawa at naitatago nga naman ng dilim! :p

and our final stop was happy bar in tanjong pagar! ava! gay scene in singapore talaga! with lesbians on the side, and center nagsasayaw. may mga girly din naman pala sa singapore. pero di tulad namin ni romae na naka-blouse pumunta dun. at first, romae and i didn't know quite well how we'd fit into the crowd. parang di kasi namin ka-level eh. mga diyosa kami. tao lamang sila. di naman nila fault. anyways, we walked around. i, sometimes feigning confidence, just to get to see gay singapore! after finishing our vodka, sayaw kami ni romae. ava! ang romae, hindi lang patok sa straight guys. pati sa mga bading. at iba't ibang lahi pa ang nagka-interest... una guranggutan na caucasian. pangalawa, nakisayaw na indian. pangatlo, nag midlife crisis naman na intsik. at pang-apat, ung nakahubad sa platform ginagalaw ang hair ni romae. parlorista yata! how about me? natakot lahat ng bading dun sa sleeveless ko na pink blouse! :p lahat kasi naka-black pati si romae. ako lang naka-pink! hahaha

at un lang naman po. after nun, punta lang kami sa hawker. at ipinagtapat ko kay romae ang aking pag-ibig para sa isang nilalang na hindi ako naaalala. buhey!

haiku

build me a castle

oh my love, my distant prince

build with me a life

a madonna quote

love is like breathing.

you just have to do it.

regret

in the year 2000, i started abiding by a self imposed principle: never regret any moment in life whether it's done with you having any choice or none.

it's been a very good principle to live by as it prevented me from being remorseful and bitter at the bad things that happened to me. although, it's not entirely true that i haven't had my share of remorseful and bitter moments, it's just that i got out of them quite easily because of this guiding principle.

until recently...

something happened that i can't seem to get out of my system. it's making me depressed by some intervals in a day if i think about it. i don't even want to say it here.

i know people out there are experiencing regret everyday, everywhere, and in every how imaginable. there's regret borne out of the loss of a loved one. there's regret caused by a bad decision, a wrong career move, or even little things such as purchasing a shirt that's not really needed. then there's regret that pops out of remembering the past. it pops out even if you're done and have dealt with that past. there may even be regret for the future, although, fear is, of course, the most appropriate word for it.

with my state of my mind right now, i'm contemplating on having another principle in the likes of "grabbing every opportunity" or "living in reckless abandon" but i still don't know.

all i want at this moment is to go back in time and do things right.

in memoriam

sue's father passed away last friday, july 7, 2006.

i received sue's and lai's text messages at half past 8 yet i didn't answer them right away. i headed straight to the bathroom to shower and tried to blot the bad news in my mind with empty thoughts. my reaction is what one would call being stunned. when you're stunned, you don't know what to do except to carry on with your routine. you are in denial.

i was in denial. but after showering, i had to read the text messages once again. i let it sink because, of course, sue and lai wouldn't joke about it. the reply i gave to sue was one in the likes of "i don't know what to say". it's true. i didn't know what to say. i've had this belief that uttered condolences don't really console people.

that day dragged on painfully. i was saddened by the loss of tito. it brought back memories of me going to their house in palanan. i always had nice chats with tito and tita. one time, tito even gave me a fortune plant. later i found out from sue that tito rarely gives his plants to others. if i remember it correctly, sue said that he didn't even give to some of those who asked for his fortune plants. i, probably, became a favorite of his. recalling that when he was still alive made me smile. but recalling that now that he's gone makes me sad.

i went home to grieve with the family. i battled with my dread of asking permission from my boss for a two-day absence knowing that my project was in tight schedule. my boss replied with a phrase "if it's really necessary" tucked amongst the words in his text message. there was no point pondering as to my answer to that because i was intent on going home to my second family. those words, though, hit me with a sad realization; that sometimes people forget the importance of being with the people they love even at the last moment in favor of something mundane such as work. it saddened me all the more because i am most of the time guitly of this. thus, my stronger resolve to go home and be with sue and her family.

consoling and comforting the people you care for is very hard. all i could do was be there and pray that somehow the family will be okay afterwards; that they'll realize that tito is in a state of happiness, free from pain and worries.

on tuesday, july 11, 2006, tito was cremated. almost everyone cried except for the children who still probably didn't understand death (who did in the first place?) and me who was afraid of showing his emotions. i was teary-eyed, yes, seeing the immediate family, tita, sue, sarj, kiko, and bob, looking at tito for the last time. seeing them cry, i knew the reasons why. they would miss tito; that's foremost. they cry remembering things they did with tito. and they cry over things which they never did with him.

looking at all the people who grieved with the family, i realized that everyone really feels the pain. for one, we were there because we cared for these people. caring means feeling the other's emotions including, and most of all, pain. everyone, either crying or teary eyed, is shedding tears for tito, for the family, for their own families, and for their own selves.

death changes us. it makes us think of could-have-beens and what-ifs in our own lives. it makes us think of our relationships. it makes us think of our dreams. our failures. our hopes. our fears. but, most of all, it makes us think of the same fate that awaits us all. death itself.

on my way back to singapore aboard the plane, i cried while eating my cup noodles. i just felt sad at the loss of tito. i felt sad for sue and her family. i felt sad for not having been in touch with my own family. i felt sad for someone i've come to care for in the past couple of months whom i failed to comfort in his most trying time. i simply felt sad. i learned to cry again after years of holding back tears.

tito's leaving, though painful, should be an inspiration, i told myself and to sue. it should inspire us to do things which are more worthwhile while we are still living among our loved ones. this is, for me, tito's legacy to me. i've never been so touched by someone's passing away than tito's leaving.

i know tito is happy wherever he is. i am experiencing one of life's ironies. i feel sad to have lost him but at the same time, i feel that i should be happy because he's already free.

to tito edilberto bertol, you were one of the best things that happened to your family and to me.

nsp promotions

i just got an email notification from ma'am gina about the recent promotions and upgrading in nsp. apparently, the net-ads haven't removed yet my nsp email and mailing list memberships so i still receive emails to that address.

seeing the recent promotions, i can't help feeling some form of anger and disappointment to some people back there. yeah, when i look back, there are times i feel bitter about it. when i left, i thought i've forgiven the people who posed to be rooting for me or at least claimed to have no responsibility over what happened with last year's non-promotion but in the end would be saying some things behind me contrary to what they told me personally. out of my grave anger then, i originally planned of resigning to making a statement, that is, that i didn't like the way things were being done there. but i ended up telling higher management when i gave them my resignation letter that i was doing it for my future aspirations. it is, of course, true; but not the entire story.

when i came here in singapore, i thought i'd never look back to what happened because from what i gathered and, sort of, believed back then, it wasn't as painful as the realizations i would later have here in singapore. i couldn't help recalling specific instances that would lead me to analyzing some form of deceits that were thrown my way. the truth i knew then were all along blemished. i only saw them clearly afterwards thanks to some trustworthy friends.

anyways, it's not without thankfulness that that incident happened. if i was promoted last year, i would still be stuck in nsp doing the same stuffs i've been doing there like doing overtime almost everyday and getting paid meagerly which i could hardly budget well for my and my family's monthly expenses. in a way, i'm thankful that it happened because it made me move here in singapore. not only are the pastures here greener, i'm in a great, unstressful place and in the company of very great friends. and what more? here's where i met someone who made me think about settling down! wow! emman is finally thinking of settling down with someone! :D or am i just getting old? hmmm, that couldn't be true! i'm just 22 (according to new people i meet)! :p

well, i shouldn't forget in congratulating two of my friends there in nsp who were recently promoted. congrats nene for becoming assistant manager! congrats miriam for becoming supervisor! well deserved for both of you! it should have been granted to you last year, in my humbled opinion! :p (take note of humbled hehehe)

i'm glad you were given your OVERdue credit! hehehe. kudos mwah mwah!

superman returns (a film review)

note: this is not your ordinary film review. you get that everywhere! :p

my gaaaaaaaddddddddddddddd!!!! ang guhapo nya!!!!!!


that's brandon routh! the next big thing! well, aside from being rumored to have been so big in the, uh, (how do i say it?) meaty department (for lack of a more decent yet catchy word), i predict (and more often than not, i am right coz i'm perfect) that he's going to be a big star like the divine and unforgettable christopher reeve.

for one, there's some resemblance between the two. take a look:


meron diva? kung di nyo nakita, ay magpatingin kayo sa optometrist! :p according to sue, her friend, russel, while watching the movie exclaimed that it's a bit creepy sometimes because there were moments in the movie that even the voice was similar to the late superman actor. sobrang fan siguro si russel ng superman for him to say that. ako di ko alam. pero i believe him. guapo kasi si brandon! hehehe. it brings me to my next point, sobrang na-gu-guapuhan ako kay brandon kasi he looks like my super duper crush na actor, si albert martinez! look, look, look:


ang guapo noh? ang daming beses naputol yung panty ko while watching! :p parang pinaghalong christopher reeve and albert martinez si brandon. kaya SUPER duper perfect MAN!

the movie was perfect except for some minor things which i think shouldn't be that big deals! unang una, i noticed na parang may mali sa katawan nya! walang proof nung rumored big thing! hehehe. i read somewhere that that part was digitally edited so as not to "bother" the children who'd be watching! pero seriously, that's not what i really noticed ha. i found his body too big. may moments na hindi perfect yung proportion between his abdomen and chest. while surfing earlier for his pics, there was one comment including an edited pic, that the "S" shield on his suit is small. it could have been improved by making it bigger. his abdomen would have looked smaller. i saw the edited pic, and totoo nga, mas maganda ang dating if mas malaki ung shield. sorry, i forgot the link of that. :( surf nyo na lang. hehehe.

secondly, hindi man lang sya umuwi sa nanay nya para mag-hi-hello or beso beso man lang! mas pinuntahan pa nya si lois! i cringed a bit at the part where his mother, martha, was waiting outside the hospital. feeling ko tuloy, magiging kalaban si martha sa next installment ng superman! ano kayang magiging power nya? sagging skin attack superman! parang blob! super elastic perfect skin na mahirap talunin ng steel! :p

thirdly, hindi pa rin nila kita ung semblance ni superman at ni clark kent??? haller! spot the difference lang kaya:


tanggalin mo lang ung glasses nya, hubaran sya, at imbis mousse ang gamitin eh gel, superman na sya di ba??? well, at least it stayed true to the original superman series where kamukha ni christopher reeve ung sarili nya as superman and clark kent! eh ano pa nga ba? it makes the movie actually endearing for it to retain it's original plot.

suot pa nya lagi sa ilalim ung costume nya. parang undergarment. pano kaya nya napagkasya sa likod ung cape nya? or baka nakatupi lang. hehehe

and finally, as commented by my ever beauteous friend romae, merong religious innuendos ung movie. tama sya! hindi nga subtle eh. right in your face talaga! remember the lines from kal-el's father? ung mga i sent you chu-chu to the world. aba saviour!!! and then when superman himself told his sleeping son: "the father becomes the son. the son becomes the father." aba! jesus christ! :D kulang na lang holy ghost para maging trinity! and then if you saw the movie, pay attention to how superman fell right after inihagis nya ung big mass of land made from the crystal and kryptonite sa space. di ba, sign of the cross!!! hehehe

well, maganda ung movie! eh, bakit naman hindi? kahit pa kung naging pangit ung story, ang guapo kaya ni brandon! sabi pa nga ni romae, "i like the movie. but i like him better." so the story doesn't matter that much! hehehe

hay, brandon, will you be my superman and save me from him who must not be named? :p