January 31, 2007


while walking towards orchard mrt earlier to go home after my massage at pacific plaza and my aimless wandering and musings at dfs at scotts road, i saw at a distance ahead an old lady selling tissue. i looked at her and felt a tug in me. i knew she saw me looking at her for she gently yet forcefully tried to sell me a tissue when i came at arm's length of her. all i did, though, was nod at her, gave her a forced half smile, muttered a 'no thanks', and walked away.

i felt bad. i knew she was trying to make a living and there i was fresh from a massage and from almost buying a bottle of perfume at dfs. she was really old yet she was peddling in a busy passageway where people just passed by and ignored her. i felt i had to go back, yet i walked on. but just before i reached the entrance to the ticket concierge, i went back. i went back to the old lady, asked her how much the tissue was, and paid for it with a big smile. :) the small tissue actually cost a lot. 2 dollars. but i would have gladly given 10 if she asked for it. for all i know, she was in dire need. it felt good. it felt like unconditional love.

i used to have experiences like that. i'd see someone whom i can sense is just doing the best they could to make a living; but always i walked away and just tried to brush off any feelings of sympathy. my reservations in such cases before were, of course, borne out of the old held notion that somebody else would be kinder in deed than i was. yet again, why couldn't it be me?

all our reservations are almost always due to conditions that are already pre-set in our minds; like the condition that we have to get the value of our money. yet, when you realize that there is joy in giving, especially when it's unconditional, it is really very easy to do. i can say i've always been generous to my family and friends but these people already have so much. indeed, it makes me happy when i see my kins and friends happy, but there's also a wonderful kind of joy to be had in helping others. and to top it off, the one you're helping or the one you're being generous to could be very much happy as well. :)


chris said...

i have yet to give alms to "tissue-beggars" here in singapore, but usually i give to "musician-beggars", especially the guitar dude playing at bedok and the single man orchestra in orchard. am i biased? haha.

you have nobler intentions for giving, sympathy. sana makatulong din tayo sa pinas, mas dehado ang sitwasyon natin dun e, hay.

emmz said...

actually di lang naman tissue binenta ni auntie... may isang plastic syang dala with items ranging from tissue, to coffee in tetra pack, to milkmaid cans. alam mo ung naghahanapbuhay talaga. overpricing sya pero ganun naman talaga business di ba? hehehe

sa atin medyo iba rin ang situation. beggars talaga karamihan. what i normally did was buy food for them. alam mo naman, minsan pinangpupusta lang sa kung anong sugal when all they need is food. pero minsan kasi ur in a rush and the best thing u can do (if u act on it) is to give a few pennies.

once nung nagsimba pa ko (hehehe), the priest talked about unconditional loving and giving. what does it call for? to love and give without any regard on how your love and gifts will be received or will be used. :)

uy, chris, i'm reading "what god wants" by neale donald walsch at the moment. i'm sure you're pretty into "challenging" stuffs. hehehe. it can either open your eyes or make you throw away the book. hehehe. nevertheless, it's a good read! ;) i'll lend it to you if you ever, by some miracle, grace us with your presence! hehehe

chris said...

cge pahiram nyan minsan. meron ako "First Impressions", di ko pa natapos tinatamad akong basahin, baka gusto mo hehe.

grace us with your presence ka jan pag nanjan ako ikaw ang wala! :P

emmz said...

sige pahiram! when you grace us with your presence! wehehehe

sinasadya kong wala eh... di ko kaya ang iyong sacred presence! :p i don't want to be reminded of my imperfections. hehehe

chris said...

ano beh. sacred presence ka jan. tama na sobra na di ko na ma-take :P may nadiscover akong way para makita yung mga books na meron tayo, check mo blog ko, tingin ka sa lower right. di ko pa tapos ilista lahat ng libro ko dun hehe

emmz said...

grabeh chrismael! sobrang touch na ko sa ginagawa mo! hinanapan mo pa ng way pano gumawa ng shelf.. hmmm, sige gawa rin ako one of these days! ;)

Anonymous said...

God bless u man! keep it up. God is watching you.. =)