August 30, 2006

gawad kalinga and poverty

madz earlier sent an inspiring story about the volunteers in gawad kalinga. here's the link:

i just had to share it to some friends whom i believe have the heart for such causes. who knows? it might change the lives of some of our friends, di ba? and prod them into their calling (kung yun man ang calling nila). :)

a friend answered my email saying that it's sad that these volunteers are being taken advantage of in the philippines. well, sa pagka-haba-haba ng reply ko, ayoko syang i-paraphrase. so i'll post my reply here na lang. it's one way also of sharing my thoughts (which are still incomplete hehehe) about poverty to my other friends. :)


we cannot itemize the countless possible causes of poverty. yeah, what
you cited could be one. education is indeed one defining factor. and
you are right, the government is not wholly to blame. but "the people"
itself doesn't have the right attitude towards improving things. we
don't have the discipline as a people. i remember a friend when asked
how the country could be improved, he simply said to change the people
living in the philippines. if you think about it long and hard, this
could be very well the cornerstone from which the other causes of
poverty have rested on. you just even mentioned one word which is
detrimental to our country, and that is abuse. that's one sad attitude
that our fellowmen have.

but we are already an impoverished country. we cannot go on analyzing
the causes of poverty. it will only make us feel bad about our country
and countrymen. those who are aware and have the sympathy and empathy
to help (like us, i hope) should do something. that's why i find it
inspiring that some people are leaving behind all the comforts of
their lives to help out the poor. yes, some of these poor people may
take advantage of those who help them but there are still those who
really need the help. and that's why the people in GK are commendable
because they seem to embrace everyone. they seem to shelter everyone
without regard for anything except that these people need their help.
it's just like unconditional love. :)

stories/news like this can either make you embittered or better. when
one is embittered, one just doesn't do anything. when one becomes
better, one might even find something worthwhile to do with his life
like the volunteers in GK. even if there are those who will take
advantage, it shouldn't stop the volunteers (or us) from helping. there are those who really need the help. :)

guimaras 8/11 tragedy

i didn't know that there was an oil spillage off the southern coast of the beautiful island guimaras due to the sinking of an oil tanker, polluting the sea with black oil thus destroying marine life and affecting the lives of over 4,000 coastal families. i just found out about it today when a friend forwarded me an email. this is what i get for not reading the news often. we can do something about it. we can help. just visit the site there are instructions to help there. you can even just have a haircut at any salon that collects and donates the hair for the use of cleaning up the oil. one salon is the ricky reyes salon. your hair can help guimaras.

August 29, 2006

ang aga

kong nagising! pero eto blogging kasi waiting for romae na matapos sa banyo...

parang tapos na yata... makaligo na nga!

yipeeeeee!!! it's going to be a lovely day! :D

our string

at each end
a string
placed ourselves
to draw
each other
meeting midway

you clutched
your end
a loose grip
while i
i had wrapped
my end
my hands

instead of
towards each other
guided by
this string
i had pulled
while you
you had let go

i fell
bringing with me
our string
i felt
my hands
i saw you
watch me


already there you were standing
i didn't look up right then
just had to appear composed
but when i did look up
oh, what incredulous heart i had!
pulsating furiously, sweating deep down
sending shivery currents through my skin

your face bore the eyes
whose soul i wished to capture
but the enigma remained
the shyness hid what lay beneath
as opposed, the smile drawn on your face
conveyed the jovial heart i sought

the curves of your mouth that formed that uptight grin
elicited in me a plethora of memories
the blissful taste of a first kiss
the playful tongue that intertwined with mine
the purplish hue that marked a sweet nip
the saline taste of blood brought to my mouth
by the only lips i yearned to kiss again

and in an instant, beside me you were near
i wished to take your arms
and wrap myself in your embrace
but i could only take hold of an imagination

perhaps lady luck saw my longing
your playful hand found its way to mine
oh, what spell did you cast on me?
for with your touch, I began to stammer
words were harder to utter
your nimble fingers i could never ignore
as invisible hearts were drawn on my palm
as my own fingers were being caressed
as my hand is cupped and then kissed
by the same lips I longed to kiss again

and as you were doing all these magic tricks
my mind and heart wondered and wandered
with blind hope, i closed my eyes
igniting my thoughts that you would kiss me next
and as i prepared my lips for that elusive kiss
the clanging of a thousand bells were closing in like a train

startled, i awoke from a slumber i wished never distracted
but with hopes all high up and pitted against the dream
i scrambled to answer the calling of the thousand bells
i could only wish with a heavy prick in my heart
i hope it's you and that you remember, my love

to the one i'd share my dreams with on mornings

my mornings have never been the same
since the morning i saw you with closed eyes.
you were a beautiful creature beside me
an angel personifying mysterious curiousity.
you had your eyes closed, sleeping
in between thoughts and hesitation.
i had my eyes on you, hoping
in between thoughts and hesitation.
i sent you love through my fingers
when i held your hand for the first time.
i remember you mumbling that it was morning.
your liquerish voice sounded like
that of a seducer's call for me to give in to.
but i had already succumbed to you
even before you spoke a word the first time i saw you.
and that morning, i surrendered to you,
your desires and mine, intertwined.
i was love and i hoped you were too,
my angel, my beautiful naughty angel.

my mornings have never been the same.
i shared with you bits of me: dreams,
histories, touches, kisses, and love.
when you left, you knew me.
when you left, you had me.

my mornings have never been the same since then.

August 28, 2006

the game we played

i spread the cards on the table
and asked you to play with me
though your air smelled hesitation
you accepted, feigning glee

let both our hearts be the stake
'twas my earnest and silent call
the lots we bet on this game for two
we could both share it all

and i began the game
anticipating beginner's luck
confident of gaining many
among the cards in the pack

this novice' heart reviewed the rules
for every draw of a card
excited by the minute
thinking winning wouldn't be hard

feeling my greatest fortune
with the number of cards i drew
i gave you your chance to win
my prize, that i'd gladly give you

but in my utter disbelief
after a very few draw
you laid your cards face down
left me, i'm wondering what my flaw

examining your cards
i was only left more bewildered
couldn't make out if you won
or if you merely surrendered

the game that i imagined fun
and wanted to last so long
ended in an eye's blink
leaving me wondering what went wrong

luckily i saw the bets you placed
before our game began
the aftermath didn't hurt much
when you destroyed my gameplan

but whether you won or just gave up
you didn't have my prize
all along i had my own guise
you see, i was not unwise

but due to a fun that was cut short
as well for old time's sake
i'd like to play again with you
one more game for us to fake

another poem i wrote in 2003. i think it's sometime in may 2003.

making enemies

they say that one sure way of gaining enemies is to talk about religion or politics. people have died over the years defending their beliefs or attacking other people's beliefs. even when some people belong to one group having (supposedly) homogeneous beliefs, there is always some form of differences, no matter how minute, as people tend to have their own interpretations.

in my case, i tend to talk about religion with my friends, especially with my guy friends. i've had countless coffee shop or street discussions with adz, louie, dexter, edward, oliver, franz, neil, afu, and, recently, with boney. i don't mean to make them my enemies, but it's strange that there are always moments when the topic of religion springs up in conversations with these guys. probably because with my girl friends, i talk about them guys! hehehe. anyways, i just notice that the guys do have the conviction to sway you to their beliefs whether directly or indirectly. most would think that i am someone who has a distorted set of beliefs. that's probably why some would invite me to their cause. but no thanks. i may not be able to verbalize well what i believe, i do have my own set of beliefs.

discussing religion can indeed reach to some form of heated debate. that's when danger can come; when the opposing parties put their emotions too much on the subject. first and foremost, to avoid such painful discussions, both parties should be agreeable on disagreeing. secondly, each should keep in mind that the belief we hold to ourselves may not be the absolute truth. well, this statement is even debateable. hehehe.

but to be really on the safe side, if you don't want to run the risk of gaining enemies, avoid talking about religion or politics! :p

singapore and trees

one thing i really like about singapore is its abundance of trees. i love trees. i love looking at trees! i remember in autumn of 2004 when i met for the first time my dear swiss friend roland; he told me he found it silly that people would travel to some parts in japan such as kyoto just to look at trees. he was quite surprised when i told him i'm one of those people who like looking at trees. i don't know if roland was disappointed in me then, being a bubbly and supposedly interesting person that he thought i was but who liked looking at trees! silly me, he must have thought! hehehe.

anyways, singapore is a very green city. i'm loving this place because of it. i had a picnic earlier at east coast park with sue, johnx, romae, shih, lai, and judith. i was refreshed by the sight of a lot of trees! it erased whatever negative vibes i injected into myself that day and the previous night. i'm glad there are lots of trees here! also, the other night when i visited reggie's place at clementi park, boney joked that i could build my treehouse in one of the trees in clementi! well, why not? (interesting grin) :p but larry posed a problem. what would happen to my treehouse if i had a "jug-jugan" tryst happening there? that shouldn't be a problem at all! if you want to know the solution to that, drop me a line. i'd be happy to give you a demo! :p

being a lover of trees, i have a mini-tree in my room. here it is:

it makes me smile. and i wouldn't remove it from my room even if boney advised me that in feng shui and science, it's not good. well, i'll only remove it if..... that's for me to know and for you to find out! :p (yeah, i know it's your line but let me use it to address to you! :p)

my gigolo

he descended to my world cloaked with shyness
and bearing only a smile of mystery.
i took his kiss to the pit of loneliness
hoping for answers to my misery.
but the kiss only tasted with tongue, rolling and bland,
devoid of sun sweet affection.
still i allowed myself to be plunged and drowned
in this candied affliction.
with the attention he bestowed upon
my itchy self, famished with kisses and love,
in a cornucopia of words i lured him on
and he readily bowed, i thanked God above.
but now i ask myself where i dwell
in his glamorous world concealed by his fears.
or does he even fear for his shell?
or his secrets of providing untold pleasures?
in all my scrutiny, i found his deceiving sly,
his craft of luring unsuspecting victims.
he clips their wings as fast as he can undo his fly
like he curtailed my freedom with his schemes.
i would have paid him in dimes instead
had he told me of his sheepish flesh business.
but he never asked for a price to be paid
so i gave him my heart, my world, my foolishness.


i wrote this way back in 2003. i still have to unearth my email files to know the exact date! ;)

paghahakot part 2

i had a surprise last week. somebody whom i wasn't expecting to be visiting my blog told me he reads my blog! wowow! it was indeed a pleasant surprise. i even had a very nice exchange of emails with him. and i'm quite positive that in time we might even become really good friends. :)

our communication made me think of posting the poems i wrote before. i wasn't into poetry writing until he introduced me to it. well back in college i wrote some but they were all corny stuffs. actually the things i wrote after his invitation to a poetry mailing list were even cornier than the poems i wrote in school.

anyways, i will post here some of those i wrote in the past. of course, those that are not so corny lang. hehehe. it's for posterity's sake na rin coz i've lost track of some of my poems due to not saving them.

abangan ang mga sulat ko before!

August 23, 2006

kakabag kabag?

mega kabag ang tyan ko ngayon!

start lang yesterday after lunch. ewan ko. sumakit bigla. punta akong doctor. dami daw air. parang hinigop lahat ng air sa singapore. buti na lang clean air dito kundi bumubuga na ko ng usok ngayon every time i burp! hehehe. tapos ngayon mega kabag pa rin. ano ba ito lord? sana pagbubuntis na lang. aside from the sakit kasi, nahihilo ako. at nasusuka. symptoms ng pagbubuntis. at nag-cra-crave ako ng mexican food! waaahhhh...

oh, toot lang ang lunas nito. sana mangyari tonight. uncomfortable na talaga.

to B or not to B

nagkukulitan kami nina romae, shih, and sue sa email earlier about a coffee maker na kukunin ko from diners. niloloko nila ako kung kaninong B dapat ibigay ang coffee maker. at kung kanino ako dapat ibigay! pamigay daw ba! :p

nakagawa tuloy ako ng song! song nga ba itu? hehehe

coffee to b
and me to b
how about b to b?
hmmm, so who is b?
and the other b?
let's make it
coffee to bo
and me to bo
i wish bo is my beau
but which bo?
hmmm, who is bo?
let's make it
coffee to bon
and me to bob
though i also want bon
coffee's more fitting for bon
coz when you shake the coffee
you're shaking the bon bon
so i'm left with the bob
the bomb of Bs


August 22, 2006

First Love by Utada Hikaru (English)

our last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell

tomorrow, at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things that I don't want to forget about

tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you

you will always be inside my heart
you will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

First Love by Utada Hikaru

Saigo no kisu wa ka ba tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni irun darou
Dare wo omotterun darou

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love love songu
Atarashii uta utaeru made

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki dasouto shiteru
Wasuretakunai kotobakari

Ashita no imagoro niwa
Watashi wa kitto naite iru
Anatawo omotterun darou

You will always be inside my heart
Itsumo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made

You are always gonna be my love
Itsuka darekato mata koi ni ochitemo
I'll remember to love you taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love love song
Now and forever

bobby the baboy

sue gave me a baboy today! it sings and moves to the tune of "my girl"! hehehe... kakatuwa! the funny thing was, i was playing in my head sa office kanina ang song na "my girl" na version ni john stevens sa american idol season 3. wala kasi sya sa tono nun eh nung kinanta nya sa AI! hehehe.

the baboy is named porker according dun sa tag nya. i asked sue if i could rename him to bobby. mas bagay kasi ang bobby eh. bobby the baboy! baboy kang bobby ka! hehehe. not that i loathe his namesake! hehehe. cute ang baboy eh. cute si bobby! cute si bobby! hehehe.

kakatuwa talaga! sobra!

MY GIRL (Temptations)

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

I've got so much honey the bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey

I don't need no money, fortune, or fame.
I've got all the riches baby one man can claim.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
with my girl.
I've even got the month of May
with my girl (fade)

true or false

when you're used to joking around, it can be hard to distinguish what's real and true from what's plain jest and untrue. it doesn't matter if all you want to do is just joke around. but what if you want to know if the joke means something? of course, there's a risk of being called presumptuous if you would ask if what you're being told is a joke or not! that's why you don't ask such questions to people whom you're used to kidding with. asking may break something: the fun, possibly the relationship, or your barrier against your fears.

they say jokes are half-meant. in my case, i can say yes. it's even full meant. i just don't know about his.

August 21, 2006

i love you 2

wow! two other dear friends reminded me that i am loved by them. very sweet! i know that naman. :)

as i said, my sadness comes and goes like rain. it rained yesterday but it's a sunny day today! i was all smiles today! ;) may kadramahan days lang talaga. parang times na "meron" ako na nawawala din.

anyways, i love you too madz, nene, and the rest of the friendships! and that goes to all my friends, family, and syempre pa to all the Bs in my life! :p

August 20, 2006

i love you

those words came when i needed them most. today is a sad day for me. sadness for me is like rain. i don't know when it comes but i know that it would and will come at any time. and just like rain, i can't control it. i just wait for it to stop.

to keep myself from wallowing and sulking, i contacted some friends.

i called up mae to bid her well wishes for her schooling in japan. just before we hung up, she said, "luv u ems". it was surprising but i needed that. my good friend probably felt it at the other end.

i sent a text message to tita virgie just to say hi. she told me to take care with "love you" at the end of the message. i needed that.

they filled in what i felt was empty in me today. i'm glad to have contacted them.

though, i was wishing that someone would also tell me those words. someone who crept up unexpectedly in my life just recently. i'm just waiting.

August 17, 2006

bato bato sa langit

ang tamaan huwag magalit!

it can be dangerous posting one's thoughts in a blog especially if those thoughts involve people whom other people think one would never have unlikeable thoughts of.

like, probably, most bloggers, i write my thoughts here trusting that those i've trusted to read them would keep to themselves what i've written most especially those posts that can influence relationships between people. maturity calls for analyzing and predicting make or break situations wherein only the involved parties should be involved in. anyhow, posting one's thoughts in public space exposes one to such risks.

if the reader is someone unknown to you, it's all right. but if it's someone you know and someone who, to your surprise, can't distinguish what's sensitive story and what's not, it's sad. it's up to you to continue trusting or not. it's up to you to continue posting or not.

as for me, i'll continue posting because i have so much trust in the people i've shared this blog with. :D


hahaha! may natakot ba jan at medyo naging serious ako? :p naisip ko lang kasi earlier na mag-start magsulat about serious stuffs. i've been chatting with someone for quite sometime already and he made me think about a lot of things. he brought me back to my old self who used to think not only of corny, kabadingan, and love-love chuvalences but also of things that are bigger than myself. :) i love this man! he's one of the best persons i've ever met! :)

but what i've posted is not a preview of what's to come. i don't want to write about negative things. well, di naman talaga negative yan di ba? it's a reality that trusts are broken. but expect more from me in the coming days. i just need some inspiration!

touch me more! :p


may mga tao talagang hindi tinatablan ng charm at kagandahan.

take my kuya sa office for example. TL ko sya. hindi true love, mind you. mapakla sya para maging true love! hehehe. technical leader. sunod sunod yung pagkakamali kong nagawa sa work. umamin at inako ko naman yung mistakes ko sa kanya sa harap bigay ng aking shy, apologetic smile. pero astig pa rin ng expression nya! parang bato! di ko sya napalambot ever with my tried and tested charming smile and beauty.

oh, well mag-wi-wish na lang ako na magkaron sya ng kasiyahan anytime soon! hehehe.

pero in fairness, mas bumabait na sya compared dati. ;)

August 13, 2006

hodgepodge of thoughts

it's been a while since my last post which was 5 days ago. not really that long ago naman but considering that i posted almost every day before that that sometimes i'd have more than one entry in one day. as i told my friends who are frequent readers of my blog (frequent na nakiki-chismis ng ka-corny-han about me), i've reached a plateau in my emotions once again. when i'm in that state, wala akong naiisulat. when i'm in that state, i'm a normal person. pag depressed ako or super high sa saya, it means i'm abnormal. kaya if you're feeling any one of those extremes, abnormal ka sa ngayon! :p

most of my posts before were borne out of thinking too much about someone. if you've noticed, kahit na iba ang topic, meron akong naisisingit about him. or if i hadn't given any hint about him in any post, i'm sure when i was writing, i had stopped at some point just to think of him. so, why have i suddenly stopped? just a number of realizations thanks to my own musings and with the help of some friends who unknowingly (like jokingly) dropped me some lines to ponder on.

first and foremost, distance. i originally thought that distance can be bridged with perseverance. there may be cases where it can happen but not with mine. how can i one-sidedly communicate with someone whom i barely know except for bits of information i get from time to time? with that said, it brings me to my next realization. i barely know him. how on earth did i ever fall for someone i hardly know? just because i dreamt about him for more than a couple of times, i shouldn't have put my heart on it right away. thirdly, a friend jokingly told me "di ka naman loyal". aray! but somehow there's some grain of truth to it that's why it hurt. ang dami ko kasing crush crushan jan. parang di ko pa alam ang gusto ko. well, alam ko naman talaga, it's just that it had been difficult. well for me. i know a lot of my friends out there are prodding me to be brave and let it all out. but trust me, it's easier said than done. lastly, there are certain things that complicate things. or maybe i'm just the one complicating it. hehehe. let me just put it at that. hehehe.

anyways, yeah, my emotions have reached a plateau. :) and i'm going out and having fun with my friends and talk about him from time to time with nary a depressed look anymore when his name is dropped on me. ;)


lately, partly din siguro i don't want to write anything on my blog is that i feel like ang bobo ko na. i don't think i carry any more intelligent conversations with people. di ko na kasi alam pano mag-isip. if in english ba or tagalog or bisaya! hehehe. i probably just need some moments to myself. para naman ma-iron out ko ulit ung principles ko, yung goals ko, yung feelings ko, and yung mga beliefs ko. minsan kasi feeling ko nagiging balimbing na ko or nagiging too agreeable by default or being nonchalant to what's happening around me. hehehe. ang gulo ng utak! :p


we went to boney's place pala yesterday para sa house warming nila and late bday celebration nya. sue commented that someone looked like him. sino sino to sila? hahaha...

anyways, it's time to sleep. :D

would like to suggest the restaurant "ichi ban boshi" in wisma atria to all guys in singapore! super sarap! grabeh! ;)

August 08, 2006

an old write on my mt fuji climb

Conquering Fuji-san (and Forgetting Papa-san)

"You're a fool if you don't climb Mt. Fuji. You'realso a fool if you climb it more than once." A friend related this old Japanese proverb while we were aboard the bus headed to the sleeping volcano, which is the highest peak in Japan. I remember only smiling in reply to that spoken maxim while my drowsy head drifted off to thoughts that went "Hahay! Mt. Fuji won't be as exciting as it should be had he come along! Humph! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to turn on my radar alert for some cute boondocks Japanese guy lurking among the shrubberies on the mountain!" heaving with disappointment at the guy whom I’ve laid twinkling eyes on and who was supposed to go with us but was nowhere beside me (because I’d be sitting beside him if he came along).

Well, back to reality where my butt, back and legs ached for better reclining space on my bus seat, I pondered on what my friend said. Hmmm, it wouldn't be really hard trekking Fuji-san, as the mountain is commonly called among the Japanese people. I had a very trying feat at Banaue where I climbed mountains, slid hand in hand with friends down rocky slopes, walked on the narrow paths of the rice terraces with thick mud on the left side and ravine on the other and descended to what seemed like a million steps down tothe Batad waterfall haven! And I surmounted this 10 hour trek back and forth with only the expected sweat and panting, little bruises and scratches here andthere, a victorious grin and nary exhaustion and regret. So, I thought, Fuji-san would be, more or less, conquered similarly. But, oh boy, I never imagined that I'd be greeted with mixed surprises along the way!

Our bus arrived at the 5th station of the mountain at around 8 PM. (There are supposedly 9 stations before the peak of the mountain could be reached. But I tell you there were a gazillion of them!) We, along with the other climbers, went to what seemed to me was an inn slash grocery store to change into our "mountain climbing gears". Uhm, what climbing gear? Oh, I didn't have them because it was an unplanned trip for me. Having gone only with my friends along with the foremost hope that the object of my affection, err, interest (too early to use affection) would be there to catch me in his sweet-scented sweaty arms during my dramatized tripping and falling along the way, I left all my rugged stuffs in the Philippines including my rubber shoes! Anyways, since it was drizzling and quite cold, I put on a long-sleeved shirt on top of the short-sleeved one I already wore. Then I put on a borrowed winter jacket. Then tadaaa! I was already in my climbing gear: two layers of shirt beneath an oversized winter jacket, Penshoppe jeans, and my favorite black leatherette shoes! Then I stowed inside the locker that we rented some of my stuff comprising of: cologne, soap and shampoo, towel, sleeveless shirt, short shorts, and other thingies that would never protect me from the cold. Earlier, my friends told me, through their laughter, that I was probably going to take a bath in a hot spring and not go trekking! "Well, aren't there bathrooms and washrooms at the summit?” I thought.

And so the mountain's spirit beckoned us to start the climb! But before I could really answer to that sultry call, I had to debate with my pocket if I should allow my money to be traded with a stick with a couple of bells and a Japanese flag tied to it. Well, everybody bought one so I finally bought one also! When we went outside, the climbers gathered in the midst of drizzle, slight haze and wind and listened to the supposedly funny (the Japanese people were constantly laughing) talks of some mountaineers, whom I found out later as volunteer guides, at the center. And my, my, my heavens! A Jet Li look-alike stood on the boulder, where the speakers took turns during their speech, when it was his turn to talk. Hmmm, cute guy alarm full force!!! "I'll have a word with him later!” I promised myself. Then a guy in front started demonstrating physical stretches while shouting something I couldn't figure out. Since everybody followed his exercises, my friends and I too followed suit. Then at around 9 PM, we started our ascent excited with the thought of reaching the peak on time to catch the glory of the sun's rising! Then my, my, my heavens for the second time! Our volunteer guide turned out to be the Jet Lilook-alike! He introduced himself in Nihongo (Japanese) to our group. Since I was the only one whose jaw dropped because of not understanding what he said, I daintily moved closer to him and said, "Sumimasen, anata wa eigo ga dekimasu ka?” (Translation: Excuse me, do you speak English?) To which he answered positively that he could. I looked at the heavens with closed eyes to thank God of this rare blessing! And so I told him that he looked like Jet Li. He thanked me for the compliment and I gave him the shy smile I give to cute guys on first meetings! Well, I couldn't keep Mr. Li to myself (after learning that he traveled a lot, went to school here and there, lived here and there, worked here and there) because he had to be everywhere to shout "Mamboooooo!". To which we had to reply "Mamboooooo!" also. At first, I thought that it was something to keep our trek lively but later on I thought that it was really something to determine if we were still alive!

I kept on leaving my friends behind so I would talk to other climbers. I chanced upon the petite girl who was constantly with my Jet Li prince. I struck a conversation with her because she knew little English. And then my heart sank in an abyss of hopelessness! She said that the Jet Li guy was her husband! But I just had to swallow my despair, smile and go on with the "nice" chat. (FYI, I'm nice!) She suddenly asked me if I had a lover. I simply answered that I had none and was still waiting for that someone to come. To which she then said, "Oh, waiting for your princess!"I really couldn't take it at this point anymore! So I gave her a smile while concentrating on heavy panting instead of talking. And inch-by-inch I tried to mix with the haze and slowly evaporated away from our chitchat! While I slowed my pace away from her, these words were echoing in my head: "I'm the princessssss!!!"

To set the record straight, I'm gay! (No pun intended!) Well, I had to transform my Jet Li prince into a frog so that I could nurse my bruised heart and ego easily! And so I had to wait for my friends to catch up with me. I started chatting with my friend's Thai friend. I found out that he's intelligent, a better English speaker and most importantly, cute! And so I went walking and climbing rocks merrily while flipping my short hair when telling stories or answering his questions. And I kept on motioning to my friends behind to just follow the tracks of the drag queen and her escort.

Fuji-san was probably jealous of my new Thai friend. At the 7th station, he blew cold winds and sent rain to impede us in our ascent. But the unpredictably prepared gay scout that I am took out my raincoat, which I called a transparent trench coat but my friends called Matrix' Neo-inspired costume, and donned it with the flair of a supermodel. But as we approached the 8th station, the cold started to take its toll on me. I could already feel the weight of my backpack, my tired legs and feet, my heavy eyes and head, my numb and sore toes and hands due to the cold, no sleep and inadequate protective clothing. Luckily, I was able to protect my hands from freezing! I wore as gloves the extra socks I brought! It was kind of embarrassing because it wasn't the best looking of its kind! But what was a helpless, hopeless but petite, pretty homosexual trying to keep his wit intact to do? Fashion was becoming the least of my concern then! At least I was still able to make the already despondent group laugh!

Our adventure turned out to be an ordeal as our shivering and aching bodies still went onwards. At station 8, I already wanted to surrender but I was motivated to go on after seeing old people and children went ahead of us. And despite that quote from the Bible that kept reverberating in my head: "The spirit is willing but the body is weak", my spirit was strong enough to prod my feet to keep on moving!

Well, we reached the point where we could already see the top. The climbers were slower because it was colder, the rocks were sharper and the ravines were steeper. At around 5:30 AM, the sun started to rise! It's magnificence and glory was greeted by the Japanese people with "Ohhhh! Ahhhh! Sugoi ne!"(Translation: Ohhhh! Ahhhh! It's great!) amid clickingof cameras! It was indeed orgasmic, in fairness to the sun! (Kahit walang in fairness, actually!) But my friends and I were too tired to take shots so we just bathe in the tingling heat of the sun that slowly rose above the clouds!

After the sun's short-lived glorious rising show, we continued climbing to the top; already thankful of the heat seeping in the cold fog. Finally we reached the peak at 6 AM. Tired is such an understatement and too short a word to describe our condition! My friend coined the words "lost in the wilderness" for them and"a rape victim" for me! That's when I realized thatFuji-san was indeed a man because he raped the helpless, hapless me. We rested for only 3 hours at the peak; waiting in line at the toilets, eating bland expensive ramen, sleeping for an hour, buying souvenirs, and taking 3 or 4 pictures. Harassed as I was, my cute guy radar was still on! There were a bunch of tall, lanky and handsome Caucasians and many cute anime-looking Japanese guys. And I could not help thinking of the guy who was supposed to go with us. Humph! He would have served another purpose. Aside from inspiration and catching me from my falls, I would have had him carry my bag! And how could I not mention my cute Thai friend who already ignored me at the top because of a headache? But all these papa-sans weren't any consolation at all. If they gave me a massage at the volcano's crater then that would have made me their worshipper forever! (But they had and have to worship me first!)

At 9 AM, we started our descent. It was another occasion of Fuji-san raping me! For more than 4 hours we walked, ran and slid down a rocky slope against a combination of fog, glaring heat and later on rain before we reached the 5th station. We were 100% exhaustion and hunger personified! I looked like a rape victim lost in the wilderness!

"Anyone who doesn't climb Mt. Fuji is a fool, but anyone who climbs it twice is twice the fool." My friend said yesterday that this is the correct translation of the old proverb. Fuji-san will only remain a memory of an adventure slash ordeal for me. Though it only looked barren at the peak, the picturesque sea of clouds that surrounded us and the magnificence of the sun rising above the clouds will forever be imprinted in my camera mind. But I am nevergoing back there! I guess that makes me wise, huh!? I can never imagine being raped by a mountain again!

Uhm, wait, wait, and wait! I think I just heard someone say that HE's planning to go there! Do I need to pack now??? Well, I guess I'm a fool for love, err, this man!

emmanv 07/30/2003

i wrote this as an account for my climb in mt fuji on july 26, 2003 with rachel, nene, alvin, and boy

i just found out

that someone i didn't expect to be reading my blog is reading it! hmmmm...

i know who you are. and i know that you know that i know who you are! hehehe

kaya identify yourself! :p

don't worry... what i told you is becoming true... you're becoming number 1 to me! :D

August 07, 2006

it's raining!!! :D

yeah, it's raining now. heavy!

and the tugtog in my mind right now is "it's raining men"

hmmm, if it really rains with men, nasa labas na ko ngayon, nagpapaulan. may dalang balde para makapag-hakot ng lalake! hehehe.

mapapa-hallelujah siguro talaga ako nun! :p

August 06, 2006

year of the Bs

say it as "year of the Beez"...

what's with the Beez? what's with the Bs? what's with B? what's the Buzz with the letter B?

earlier while having dinner with romae, sue, johnny, and mela near the merlion (i don't know how to call that place), sue teased me that most of the guys i have/had a crush on have names starting with the letter B. actually, i realized that also probably a couple of weeks back when i was thinking too much of someone whose name starts with the letter B!

but now that i think of it more, a lot of Bs are happening in my life this year aside from Boys. probably almost all aspect there is in my life, there's a B associated to it, from my Body, to intangible characteristic, state of mind, or even expressions.

at the start of the year, i was very Bold and Brave. i came to singapore uncertain of the fortune or misfortune that awaited me here. naki-Bahay ako kina sue and johnny sa kanilang palasyo in Bullion park.

this year, i haven't been so obsessed with any part of my Body as my Belly. dati i would fret over my hair, pimples, and skin. well, i still do but this year i'm focusing too much on my Belly. it's getting Big na kasi eh! and just recently, i've been having weird Belly feelings! i feel Buntis tuloy! :p

aside from my Belly, i also worried about getting Bald. my hair was thinning when i came to singapore. while i was accumulating in my Belly, i was losing my Buhok! and to top it all, i had Balakubak! yuck! :p good thing, my Buhok now is better compared to how it was early this year.

then this year, when i think of relaxing, when i think to myself of getting out of pressure, to breathe, i tell myself: "emman, say Banana". what's with Banana? :p

i had my name written in calligraphy in chinatown. the first thing that the calligraphy artist told me was that there were so much Butterflies in my name emms. in fact there are four Butterflies in this name. and guess what it signifies? Beauty! so me! :D

this year, gustong gusto ko ang mga Bulaklak. i bought a plant na may mga Bulaklak. when i pass by a florist or a grocery store na may mga Bulaklak, i stop just to look at them.

Bayad. yeah, Bayad sa mga utang. this year, i'm proud to say na Bayad na ako sa lahat ng obligations ko except of course for my monthly bills. napaka impractical naman noh if Bayaran ko in advance yung mga di ko pa na-avail! :p

of course ba't ba kakalimutan ang Boys which started all this Buzz about the letter B. there's a lot of them Boyz for me this year. let's start with kenneth. where's the B in kenneth??? well, if you read our exchange of text messages, you'll know. he's so Bastos! :p then there's Baoxiang, Beumont, and prasana in the office. err, where's the B in prasana? ah, if you see him, he has a Bigote! :p then of course, there's the biggest B ever, the Bald Bob. that's one point i'd like to note here. i never liked Bald guys. but this year, i have a thing for Bald Boyz. or is it with Bob lang? hehehe. then there's Boney! teka lang, sina sue lang nagsabi na crush ko si Boney. crush ko nga ba? hmmm...

and how would i forget? Bintan! that's where the Bob naging Bulaklak sa aking Buhay.

the year hasn't ended yet, yet the letter B is evident in my life already. i wonder what other B awaits me in the last half of the year. Bahay? Boyfriend? Bagina? :p

let's wait and see na lang and continue with my Buhay. :p

Bery Bery Beautiful,
Emms B.

meteor garden 2

i just caught meteor garden 2 on tv. i didn't finish it though coz i found it corny when daoming xi got an accident while shancai was waiting for him in a secluded church. days passed after his disappearance but it never occurred to shancai and her friend who joined her that something bad might have happened to daoming xi. duh! or maybe they did realize it but i wasn't just patient enough to wait for it to happen. besides, i was getting sleepy. then why am i blogging? hehehe. :p

i got hooked on it though for a good 30 minutes or so. why not? i enjoyed watching the sweety tweetum pa-cute-cute between daoming xi and shancai. it reminded me how hooked i became in the first series of meteor garden. i was in japan when i first watched it. i originally vowed not to be taken by the f4 fever unlike my female friends in nsp who were also in japan with me. but due to not having anything else to do, i copied the first few episodes and since then i'd be watching at least 5 episodes in one night ignoring headaches and the possibility of going to work late the next day (as if di ako late always!).

why was the meteor garden fever a fever? :p well, for one, it's undeniable that the f4 is composed of cute guys. yeah, they aren't really that super guapo. a lot of filipino guys who aren't actors are handsomer than these guys but, hey, they're still cute! ;) aside from that, shancai is such an angelic and innocent face to look at. the meteor garden story isn't that bad also. well, given the interesting characters and situations, a simple story is weaved interestingly. but, most of all, i think what makes meteor garden so appealing is its cheesiness. one can see that there's a mutual attraction between daoming xi and shancai. it's evident when they're either quarelling or throwing stolen glances at each other or when at the later episodes they would become pa-cute-cute with each other. those shy glances, shy and forced smiles, those pa-tweetums like pa-away-away. pa-cute-cute. you know what i mean. and if you're watching those scenes, you get a silly smile on your face too which you don't want others to see because the cheesiness of it is rubbing on you. however, that's really what's making it effective. it reminds us of either our past pa-cute-cute with someone or our desire to have one. it reminds us how cute and nice the feeling is of pa-cute-cute with someone. hehehe.

meteor garden, i can say, is one of my favorite asian series. well, i've only seen a handful of asian telenovelas. about two probably? hehehe. but i enjoyed meteor garden very much. not only did it make me laugh at some silly situations, but there were times that i felt my heart cringed. there were touching moments in the series. and i especially liked the pa-cute-cute scenes although i never wanted someone with me watching it coz i'm pretty sure there's a silly smile painted on my face when i see those pa-cute-cute scenes! :p

August 04, 2006

and then there are two...

singapore sale

great singapore sale sa singapore (where else? what a surprise!) june, july, august. i think june lang naman talaga but the mega sales have extended hanggang ngayon. some stores call their sales as summer clearance sale. i went to bossini yesterday in bukit batok and was drawn by the sign that read "all bottoms at $29 until today only". aba nakapag-shopping si emman ng di oras! nakabili ng dalawang girly girly jeans na originally ay $49 each. eh, kasi inisip ko kinabukasan (which is ngayon) babalik na sya sa regular price nya. ava! pumunta ako kanina sa bossini in suntec city naman! grrrr! 50% off! so $24.50 na lang yung jeans! kaya pala last day nung $29 kasi mas bababa pa sya! ganyan sila mag-sale! nakakainis! yung $4.50 each na savings ko sana sa nabili ko kahapon, naipangbili ko na sana ng picture frame! hahay!

50% off din ngayon ang mga shoes, kaso yung mga nagustuhan ko di kasama sa sale :( sana bukas magbago isip nila at i-sale ang mga iyun!

anyways, ung jeans pala na nabili ko 24 lang ang waist! ava sumexy ako lalo pala! hehehe... hindi, malalaki lang talaga ang mga tiyan ng mga singaporeans. iba ang size 24 yata sa kanila! :p tapos i bought earlier two shirts sa bossini din na muntik ko nang bilhin kahapon which was $16 each! buti na lang di ako bumili! $8 na lang kanina!!!

bukas shopping ulit! :p hopefully may makita na akong shoes....

pero nag-iisip pa rin akong uwing pinas next week. tingnan ko na lang sa budget at schedule. sayang kasi yung ni-reserve ko na ticket eh. :(

August 03, 2006


my tummy feels weird today. i feel nauseated. i feel like vomiting.

pag-bubuntis lang naman na symptoms yan di ba? pero di pa ko nachukchak dito sa singapore ever eh. ahhh, baka immaculate conception!?! tingin ko kasi yung immaculate conception is nangyayari out of a great and devoted love to someone. gaya nung pagbubuntis ni virgin mary. since super love at super devoted sya kay god the father, nabuntis sya immaculately!

since i've pledged my love to someone forever and ever kahit hindi nya alam, i piously believe na i'm eligible to conceiving a child immaculately! and to top it all, i'm a virgin (in singapore) emman! :p i'm thinking of calling my baby, b. :p

i don't mean to be sacrilegious ha... out of weird kaisipan na naman.. hehehe

August 02, 2006

subalit, ngunit, datapwat sa mga lalaki

nakasalubong ko kanina ang isa sa mga natipuhan ko nung bago pa ko dito sa office. na-type-an ko sya kasi medyo hawig nya si ex papa reke! :p or at least he reminds me of him. :) kaso agad namang nawala ung pagka-crush ko sa kanya kasi naman sobrang talino to the point na weird na. hehehe. one time we had a training. pinagawa kami ng schedule estimation lang given na lalagyan lang namin ng tiles ang floor. schedule estimation lang kung gano katagal namin magagawa yung task. aba, sya, tanong nang tanong about sizes ng tiles, size ng room, at kung ano ano pa. maya maya pag-present ng mga schedules namin, di pa sya tapos! at vaket? kasi di pa tapos yung computation nya na gumagamit ng mga integral at direvatives! gumawa sya ng formula at pinakita nya sa min. ang ganda ng integrals! bumulaga yung mata nung trainer! hahaha. pero in fairness, matalino talaga sya. gaya ni ex papa reke. nasa security sya. bigatin yung mga security people eh kasi they deal with heavy formulae, algorithms, and computation. pero aside from being intelligent nerdy, may amoy din sya! at jan natuldukan ang pagkagusto ko sa kanya! hahaha

ang dami ko ring mga naging crush. pero usually merong mga subalit, ngunit, datapwat, at pero sa mga crush ko. tulad nga nung naikuento kong ex papa reke lookalike. meron din akong crush na indian. perfect na sana with perfect eyes and teeth subalit may bigote. may naging crush akong super guapo sa office ngunit napaka-aloof at parang suplado. meron namang chinese pero ang laki ng jaw. para tuloy jaws! hehehe.

parating may mali. at yun ang mali kasi naghahanap tayo ng perfect na crush. pero hindi naman talaga ako guilty sa pagkakamaling yan. sinabihan nga ako ni ate mer na wala na daw akong pili at kung sino sino na lang na-ta-type-an ko! pero excuse me lang ate mer ha, marunong lang akong mag-appreciate what little beauty those guys had. at dahil dyan marami akong naging boylets kahit karamihan sa kanila shortlived lang! hehehe. kaya ang payo ko is kung type mo kahit mata lang nya at kahit may buhok pang nakalabas sa ilong nya, mahalin mo na! malay mo, magaling pala mag-kiss at nakakakiliti pa yung buhok nya sa pag-kiss! hehehe.

madali lang talaga akong magka-crush. at may instances na madali din akong ma-turn-off. nangunguna as turn-off thing ko ang amoy. tatanggapin ko ang buhok sa ilong. tatanggapin ko ang ka-weirduhan. pero goodbye ako pag may amoy! :p

August 01, 2006

something about me

there's something i noticed about me. :D

if you're an avid reader of my blog, i think you can figure it out. and no, it's not just that i rant about unrequited love most of the time (you madz ha!) hehehe defensive ba? but it's quite related to that. ;)

go figure! if you get the right answer, i'll give you a calligraphy translation of your name! manggagaling pa yan from a certified manghuhula in chinatown. the prize is itself a clue to what i noticed about my posts! :p

good luck! hahaha

wilting and blooming

i bought a flowering plant early last month. i failed to ask the auntie selling the plants about the name of the plant i bought so i don't know what it is that i bought! :p when i bought it, it had two flowers already. when sue saw it, she exclaimed that it's beautiful coz the flowers looked like wild roses.

the flowers would last for about a week. and since the plant has been with me for two months already, i've witnessed flowers wilt and flowers blossom. there was never a time that my plant had no flowers. every time a flower wilts and dies, at least one comes alive and blooms. just this weekend, as the biggest and only flower so far that i had in a week was wilting, two new buds started to bloom. and just tonight when i got home, one had already opened up. and it's the most beautiful flower i had seen from this plant. so far! :D

isn't it a beauty? you should see it in person, err, in flower! :p that's just the first to open up among the three buds i had last weekend. here's the other baby i'm expecting to smile tomorrow.

and here's the youngest for this week!

aren't they beautiful??? :D

looking at these flowers, i somehow liken my lovelife to them or to the plant as a whole. as i said, last week i had the biggest and the only flower in a week. in a way it's similar to my affinity towards someone whom i thought could be the biggest love of my life. why so? well, because of him i contemplated of staying put in a relationship (if ever it happened) or in a house with him (if ever i could afford one hehehe). but there's no relationship to speak of. just like the wonderful large flower i had the past week, the biggest love that could have been wilted and died away. not that i fell out of love, i just had to stop it. there are things that are meant to be, not meant to be, and meant not to be. this big thing with someone was just meant not to be.

good thing that a new flower bloomed, and the most beautiful one at that (remember the first pic?). it gives me hope. despite losing the biggest, wonderful, and also beautiful flower last week, this new flower has very much compensated for that loss. it's just lovely that it makes me smile every time i see it. :) and it makes me think that there might really be something beautiful in store for me with someone else. and with two more flowers blooming after it, maybe there's going to be plenty of them... hmmm, handsome guys, i hope! hehehe

i'll always remember that biggest flower. i'll always remember him. i think fondly of that big flower. i think fondly of him and constantly wish for success in his endeavors. and since i've made memories out of that flower that wilted and out of my feelings for him, there's nothing more for me to do anymore than to keep on looking at my new most beautiful flower and to keep watch for someone wonderful coming along.