October 19, 2006


it's been a bit of a while since i had my room to myself. i look up towards my window. singapore's night skyline is starless as ever. i only saw stars here during those times i floated on my back in bullion park's swimming pool. the stars weren't as bright as how i remembered them when i lay sprawled on the beach of malapascua a couple of years ago. orion, which was the one constellation i could only figure out aside from the big dipper, was hard to trace here. there always will be times that you're going to miss some things. i miss the stars i could easily see in cebu. i miss the privacy of my room for the entire length of the night or day. i miss pipoy, my dog. i miss my settled stomach, my stomach that wasn't experiencing any acidic surges. i miss him. i miss some parts of me.

a friend told me some nights ago that with each choice we make, there are sacrifices made. i never gave much thought about it that night until tonight. coming here entailed not seeing the stars that enthralled me during my walks at night towards home. it entailed missing the rowdy greeting of pipoy every time i get home after a hard day's work or even after a hard late night out. trying to forget someone just so i could get off a rollercoaster ride of emotions entailed missing the one person whom i wanted to be with all the time. trying to restrain myself from being expressive meant cutting my spontaneity, cutting a part of me. there are indeed sacrifices made in every choice we make. knowing what one has sacrificed for one's choices can be hard at times. but one has to be prepared for those pangs of sadness. to begin with, one has to condition himself into not regretting the choices he makes. that's we get for choosing, right?

singapore's night skyline is starless as ever. my heart tonight goes out to the sacrifices i've made. i wish i could keep my room to myself a little longer. i wish i could hold him tonight. i wish i am myself tonight. i wish. i wish. i wish. but there are no stars to wish upon tonight.

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