sleeping beauty's wish

what wiser witch would do
than cast
a sleeping spell
with just a prick
from a single spindle
and have my father's kingdom
wait for you
for a hundred years

but, my prince
i do not wait for you
nor have i wished
for only a hundred years
of slumber

you see
it was not an easy feat
looking for that spindle
or for the kind hag
to escape
the humdrum world

please, my prince
do not place your lips
upon mine

why don't you just
leave me be

or

you could simply curl up beside me
and sleep as well

---
i wrote this as an answer to a poem posted in INQ's YOU website titled "Prince Charming's Lamentations". here's that poem: http://you.inq7.net/express/11242004/exp1-1.htm. my poem was also featured in YOU. check out this link: http://you.inq7.net/express/12082004/exp2-1.htm.

emmanuel

Emmanuel

God is with us : Hebrew

Versatile, intelligent and artistically talented. You love to enjoy yourself and tend to experience a happy domestic life and material success. You have a methodical and thorough mind and are able to organise large projects easily. Charming and likeable and with more than your share of sex appeal you tend to find yourself in the spotlight and much admired by others. Life is more fun with you around.

in simpler words: sex goddess! :p

--
check out: http://www.bostonuk.com/index.cfm?id=572

a pie from the sky

at some point in our struggle for something, we lose hope. take for example our fight for love. when you've fought hard to win the affection of someone who remains nowhere near to reciprocating your love, you start losing hope. you contemplate on giving up. you think of things that make further pursuit not worth doing. some would say to keep on fighting for it; but i would say there should be an end to the fight. it doesn't mean that you abandon everything totally. accepting defeat in a current aspect may give you opportunities to win in some. and who knows, the greater scheme of things might just give you more than what you've been bargaining for in your previous struggles!

life offers us some surprises. when you lose some, you gain some. when you let go of something, you might just get some pie from the sky; an answer to your deepest wishes. it might not be wishes you attach to falling stars, but wishes that reside deeper in our being. and this pie we get from the heavens may just turn out to be one of the handsomest surprises you ever get!

thank heavens for the freedom of letting go and for a new pie from the sky.

---

ano na naman tong nasulat ko? kailangan lang mag update ng blog. wala nang nababasa ang fans ko! hehehe. parang gusto ko lang siguro magkarun ng pie! :p

mga celebrities

i just watched earlier ryan seacrest's interview with tyra banks. both are one of "my" celebrities. the former being a celebrity love interest because of his striking resemblance to someone i went super gaga over in 2003, and not to mention ryan's wit. and the latter being the supermodel of supermodels. after finishing the interview, i stayed tuned to E! still watching the latest celebrity tidbits. after a while, i started to feel the silliness of being interested and engrossed in the lives of those celebrities. i told myself how pathetic it is to know the most trivial things about those celebrities when i have "real" people around me who should matter more; "real" people who happen to be my family, friends, and acquaintances. have i known some of them like i know some of those celebrities?

it's not bad to adore celebrities. it can be just sad that we sometimes know more about them than the people around us. i suddenly missed my friends and started looking at old pictures like this one with my college barkada, the igats. and good thing i've been receiving messages lately from a lot of friends who just wanted to keep in touch, and i, in turn answered and sent out messages to some. and lately i've been having this penchant for writing testimonials to everyone! that's a good start huh?

i just remembered joey's post in his blog about "celebrity dreams". read it at http://jobarclix.blog-city.com/update_20060727_celebrity_dreams.htm. the people who matter should indeed be our celebrities! ;)

visit joe's blog at http://jobarclix.com/ and http://jobarclix.blog-city.com/. they're the best blogs in the whole wide world. simply my favorite! ;)

taboo daw

earlier i had a chat with a colleague regarding a volunteer work i was considering of doing. as we progressed in our discussion, i relayed my involvement in a homosexual group before that was formed as a support community for gays in cebu. it was obvious that he was taken aback when i told him that i was gay. actually, the reaction he had merited my "inner" laughing because when i said "i'm a homosexual", he immediately pressed his index finger to his lips to hush me while looking around with paranoia written all over his face. he said "it's a taboo here to say you're homosexual".

apparently, a lot of my officemates only toyed the idea that i might be gay but never concluded that i really am despite the way i flaunt myself like my swishy swoosh runway walk, or sultry voice, or my designer tight so gay outfits! hehehe. the gay scenario and awareness in singapore is totally different in the philippines. if i were just sitting somewhere in the philippines without batting an eyelash, people would instinctively know that i'm of the higher kind, the diyosa! hehehe.

i didn't witness this kind of shock learning about my sexuality from this guy alone. i had two more officemates who were surprised with my openness. of course i told them "haller! am i not obvious???". one conversation even went like this:

she: are you serious.
me: yes, of course.
she: then why are you so open about it?
me: why not?
she: how did your company and colleagues before take it?
me: oh they love me!
she: really?
me: really really.

hehehe. oh, well. it's about time singapore learn true gayness and the beauty that comes with it! and with me! :p

team vts

of course, the blast of all blasts of the teams i was in was the vts team in nsp cebu. we were the craziest bunch thanks to crazy gly, crazy noel, crazy nanie, silent but crazy pong, silent but crazy korn, and most of all, alluring but crazy me! hehehe.

the picture was taken during our christmas party last year which was crazily made. imagine, there were only 6 of us yet we made a program for our party complete with invitation cards, opening remarks, welcome address, games, raffle draw (consisting of pepsi, cornflakes, bottled iced tea, pringles, etc), claim stub for the food, closing remarks, sing and dance presentation and contest, and my farewell walk and speech due to my resignation. and our exchanging gifts was worth 1,500 pesos each!!! just take a look at the picture at what each of us received! hahaha.

the vts was sooooooooo much fun! you were the best guys... i miss you all TOO! :D

unraveling

watch me
as i unclose myself
like a flower

petal by petal

my stories

shall unfold

before your eyes

- this was the heading i had to my old blog -

grrrr

wag na wag nyo kong gagalitin!

send me a wind

* this is one of my favorite poems i wrote way back in 2003 *

hey

you there

sitting

on your throne

atop

the clouds

send me

a wind

strong enough

to carry

me to you

for

my wings

are too

small

and feeble

to lift me

to your

kingdom

for me

to worship

you

and

your body

palpably

with my lips

and to hold

and feel

your skin

with my being...

hey

you there

god of my skies

catch

a bird

and listen

to its song

for

i've whispered

to it

my longing

team tmf-agent

i was scouring through my collection of pictures last night in search for a childhood photo of myself. i found myself looking at old pictures instead and came to fondly remember friends and colleagues like my team mates in NSP manila way back in 2002. we were a bunch of young, talented, and beautiful guys and gals building to success what seemed to be an impossible project that time: the tmf-agent.

this photo brightens my day because despite of the nerve-wrackingly tight deadlines and horrendous overtimes, the team bonded and was having fun being together. aside from that, we learned cool technical stuffs (like corba, orbix, openorb, versant, roguewave, etc) and more importantly cool personal stuffs about each other. the team members are now in different corners of the world; but before we parted, the poetic juices of yours truly oozed out just before i went home to cebu for good that time.

our voyage

we boarded the ship of the unknown
each, armed only with a torch of hope
to prosper in each' assigned quest
and conquer fears both within and without

when on we faced the capricious sea
we each held on to his own rail of knowledge
but time, an ally, bound us in a knot
a blessing preparing us for tempests to come

indeed storms beset us, both great and small
but through a united hand we kept our sails aright
though some travails had been dreadful and tiring
our common goal had kept our will lit and going

and now to some this voyage's end is nearing
as each' land of dreams ahead can be seen
but be deceived not of their joyful smiles
deep within tears trickle for the ship they've known

and i am one of those who'll say adieu
and whose heart is stricken with pangs of sadness
though i'll wave farewell to kiss my land
i'll remember you everytime i breathe a salty air

to those who'll continue the journey of this ship
with certainty, you'll triumph over the tempestuous sea
and by every ounce of sweat should you fight
then your own land of dreams won't be far from sight

and hail, most of all, to the captain great
our beacon, her unyielding wisdom and care
in the darkest struggles we waged against the sea
we surmounted them all through her steady light

and i have penned in so little words
the adventures of this voyage we've shared for long
although in separate ways we'll sail or tread
in our hearts memories are carved of feats unsaid

quote of the night

no butts, no glory!

bilas, atbp

kahapon may natutunan akong bagong tagalog word: bilas. courtesy of mareng sue. mega react ako internally sa isip isip ko kasi parang bastos ang dating. sa cebuano kasi, iba na ang meaning pag pinalitan mo ng "t" ang "s" sa bilas. o sige, palitan mo ng "t" ang "s". bigkasin ulit. pakiulit ulit. di ba ang laswa? hehehe. :p

so ano nga ba ang bilas? sabi ni sue, ako at si johnny daw ay bilas. ava! may tawag pala sa relasyon namin ng fafa nya! hehehe. ang pagkaintindi ko dun ay bilas ang tawag sa kasintahan ng kaibigan mo. mali! bilas pala ang tawagan kapag ang dalawang taong walang koneksyon ay nagkaron ng koneksyon dahil sa dalawang taong merong koneksyon. ang koneksyon na ito ay dugo! ewww. hehehe. malabo? si johnny at ako ay walang dugo, este, koneksyon pala (hindi kami magkadugo kasi pula blood nya, berde naman sa kin hwek hwek hwek). si sue at ako ay walang koneksyon din (kahit delinquent twin sisters kami, hindi kami galing sa isang ama't ina). so pano kami naging bilas ni johnny? eh di pano pa? sa letrang B! ava! ikinasal na ko ni mareng sue sa kapatid nya! talaga naman! botong boto ang kumare ko sa kin! :p

napakagandang word pala nitong bilas! eto na naman ako sa letrang B. napaisip naman ako, kung sakaling ikasal nga kami ng kapatid ni kumareng sue, meron na akong monicker naming mag-asawa: the bald and the beautiful! o diva? mga B na naman! hehehe... pero, eto pa, mag-iiba na pala ang magiging tawag sa kin o ang tawag ko sa ibang tao. makiki-mum na rin ba ako kay tita? ano ang tawag namin ni sue na kumare ko at delinquent twin sister ko??? mag-aate na ba ako kay sarj? :p may k ba ako? of course naman! nagkaron din ako ng K sa buhay ko! :p at finally, ano ang tawagan namin? baby na lang! hehehe. :p

at sa ibang balita naman, kahapon din ang daming nakaalala sa akin! may mga nag-email. may mga nag-post sa blog. may mga nag text. ava! maligayang pasko talaga! nag-aantay yata ng aginaldo! hehehe. pero in times like these, i don't need a juicy fruit gum. napapaisip lang ako bakit may mga times lang na kung maalala ka ng mga kaibigan o kaIbigan mo, parang lahat naman yata ng kakilala mo ang nakaalala sayo sa isang araw! tulad kahapon. nagkaron pa ko ng friendster testi galing sa isa! (thanks mark :) so touchy you hehehe) sa mga times na to, naiisip ko tuloy, end of the world na ba para sa kin? at bigla akong naalala ng mga kaibigan ko ng sabay sabay? baka nag-astral projection ako sa harap ng mga kaibigan ko at eto ang mga naiisip nila nung nakita nila ang aking astral representative:

1. ang ganda talaga ni emms. ma-email nga.
2. ang sexy talaga ni emms. ma-text nga.
3. nakaka-miss ang kabaliwan ni emman. mabasa nga ang blog at mag message.
4. ang sawap talaga ni emms. ma-tawagan nga! :p

sa mga nakaalala sa kin kahapon, maraming salamat po! miss ko na rin kayo! ;)

at sa iba pang balita, ang gay persons of color na blog ni james ay nanalo ng GOLD for best cultural blog and SILVER sa best new blog sa canadian blog awards! sa mga lahat ng bomoto, maraming maraming salamat po! visit nyo po blog nya parati. :)

kagabi, iginala din namin ni romae si lindo sa clark quay and robertson quay para naman makita nya ang alkaff bridge na dinesign ni pacita abad. nag-dinner kami sa indochine. wow! fine vietnamese dining! and to top it all off, sa kabilang table ay merong napaka-super-duper gorgeous na lalaki na nakita namin. sabi ko kamukha nya si roland, my swiss friend. at since kamukha nya, tinawagan ko na rin sya. nakaka-miss na rin syang kausap. with roland, nasabi ko nga opposites do attract. sobrang different kami. masyadong maayos at mabagal magsalita si roland while ako naman parang armalite kung mag-ratatatat sa pagsalita sa kanya. pero nagkakaintindihan naman kami! ;) at syempre pa hindi natapos ang gabi ng walang pa-cutean with the gorgeous guy! the rest was then history! :p

hay, salamat sa word na bilas... :D

to the one you love or to the one who loves you?

in february 1999 during a toastmasters meeting's table topics, i had three people role-play based on this question:

would you choose the one you love or the one who loves you?

that time, i had a formula as an answer to that. if you're a woman, go to the one who loves you; but, if you're a man, choose the one you love. i used to believe this based on "my" premise that a woman falls in love easily. a man who goes to the woman he loves, with the latter falling in love with him in time, will be a happy man. a woman who chooses the man who loves her, with the latter adoring his beloved, will fall in love in time and will be a happy woman. it's a formula for a happy ending. it was even validated by the result of my toastmasters role-playing game when the lady i asked to choose between two guys chose the one who loved her (the one who promised her devotion and love) instead of the one she loved (the other who promised her sweet nothings and excitement with no strings attached).

this time, though, i'm thrashing this formula. it is outmoded and filled with loopholes. primarily, it does not serve the homosexual and bisexual scenarios! ;) apart from that, having observed a lot of people (myself included) who are/were in an uncompromising situation of having someone to love and someone who loves them (or at least someone whom they think loves them) and choose between the two, made me rethink what i believed. even if i put myself in the shoes of a woman, it is not easy at all to choose. no matter how special you are treated by someone, you always go back to the one who is special for you.

i'm no longer banking on my old formula. it just might turn out to be a formula for disaster rather than for happy endings. i'm already in limbo as to how to answer the question i posed many years back. the times have changed. people's cultures and mode of thinking have changed. people have become bisexuals and trisexuals. it is not easy to choose between the one you love and the one who loves you when you're intent on becoming truly happy with someone. it's just difficult!

well, no matter the difficulty, in the end, we just have to make a choice and never regret when looking back. for me, it still holds true that happiness can be born out of a choice one makes.

singapore gay news

in a country where diversity is supposedly celebrated, where prostitution is legal, and where abortion is legal, singapore remains to be conservative towards one reality: homosexuality.

read on...

http://www.gaynz.com/news/default.asp?dismode=article&artid=3963

with homosexuals being limited and homosexuality curtailed, there's no wonder that some aspect of the country is curtailed as well for there are things that homosexuals are naturally gifted with. take a look at the colorful tourism of thailand! with singapore penalizing what's supposed to be human nature, it runs the risk of shooing away into hiding their creative citizens, who could, otherwise, contribute much to its further development.

vote for the "gay persons of color" at the canadian blog awards: http://www.cba.myblahg.com/.

gay persons of color

my good friend roland sent me an email yesterday asking me to vote for his friend's, james, blog which is in the finals of the canadian blog awards for the "best new blog" and the "best cultural blog" categories.

before visiting james' blog, i already had a hunch that the blog tackled homosexuality. well, it was indicated in roland's email, actually. hehehe. kidding aside, i would like to feature james' blog here. with homosexuals thriving, or hiding, and/or struggling everywhere, james' blog is one way of raising awareness about homosexual issues. it is not all about issues, by the way. the blog also, of course, celebrates the colorful persona that comes with a homosexual. i invoke upon all forms of humans who want to support homosexual causes, who want to know more about homosexuality, who want to become homosexuals (hehehe), or who simply don't have anything to do, to go and visit the gay persons of color blog at http://gay-persons-of-color.blogspot.com/. better still, create a link in your own blogs to this blog.

and even better yet, vote for it at the canadian blog awards: http://cba.myblahg.com/.

help us raise the rainbow flag even higher!

to james, kudos again! :)

hodgepodge of updates

hay... haven't updated my blog for a long time already! 4 days or so is a long time already for me! :p

may utang pa ko sa mga fwends ko. i have to write about phuket. will write about it in the coming days. just wait for it guys and gals. kailangan lang ng mahabang upuang time. ;)

i think i'm going to have trangkaso. wag naman po sana! may D&D bukas! waaahhhh... kailangang maganda!

the xmas party committee met earlier! such a yummy meeting! :D the games were quite boring for me but i had to stay mum about it lest i'd earn the ire of the people there! :p got to talk with prasana though. of all the indians i talked with, he's got the most audible and intelligible english, not to mention, the good looks. :p

michael invited me to volunteer for CARE (catholic AIDS response effort) in singapore. check out this site: http://www.catholic.org.sg/cn/wordpress/?p=118&page=1. the nun featured in the picture happens to be michael's cousin. i'll be meeting her in the coming days. with this, am i returning to my catholic roots? well, it's not really that. the volunteering only requires talking with the people under CARE. i've always thought that i could be a counsellor. this might be my chance to find out if this is my true calling.

had GNO with my usual girls. had fun talking about lots of things. i'm going to list here soon things that i'll do before i turn 30.

am i a snake or a horse? that's been bugging me since forever ago! i was born jan 1, 1978. in the chinese zodiac, 1978 is horse but the chinese new year starts in feb. i read about the personalities of both signs, and swak naman ako both actually. that explains my schizophrenic personality! har har har! one snake trait is being reserved while a horse trait is being outgoing. i am both at different times! i'm reserved and outgoing! that's irony! :p

anyways, need to catch my sleep. tomorrow's another big day. will write more in the coming days once i get my health back to where it should be! :D

bintan escapade

this post is forever delayed. kaya i had to make it na. now na!

i'll post some pics lang. courtesy of kumareng sue. ;)

last may 28-29, i, together with the divinely beautiful sue, the papalicious labidabs of sue, johnex, the adorable chikitings of sue, sachi and colai, and sue's endearing brothers kiko and bob, went to nirwana gardens in indonesia.

tadaaaaaa....

the place was nice. it was very hot that time, though. or hot lang talaga ako? hehehe. we played at the beach. swimming. made sand castles that were never finished. the one thing that we finished was this: kiko buried in sand which gave him instant fame among passersby. :p

we also went around the place via an all terrain vehicle. i had a near death experience! while daintily driving the ATV, my thoughts sometimes wandered to someone who was in another all terrain vehicle! hehehe. kaya nang nag-biglang liko ang daan, nahulog si emman sa steep path going to the main road na maraming big trucks! buti na lang naka-break! ang nakakainis, ang taong iniisip ko nun ay hindi bumaba kundi tumingin lang sa kin... i hope nag-pray naman sya kahit kaunti... buti pa si kiko sumigaw ng "emmsssssss.... break emmssssss...."

that was the highlight of my stay there at nirwana. ang mahigpit na paghawak sa break ng ATV habang nag-aantay ng rescuer dahil 45 degrees to the ground ang position ko habang nakaharap sa main road around 25 feet away from me. napaso pa sa motor ung right beautiful leg ko! hmph! but that was a really fun ride! :)

and since nasabi ko na ang highlight ng bakasyong iyon, pics na lang ang magsasabi sa ibang nangyari! :p







hay! ang ganda ng nirwana gardens... gusto kong bumalik dun... sana sana sana... :)

p.s. mega-shock ako sa bill namin! around 1 million 900 thousand indonesian rupiah yata yun!!! yan ang equivalent ng around 200 singapore dollars... buti na lang at di pala kami nagpapalit at nag-credit card lang kami... kung nagpapalit eh baka may bitbit kaming lahat ng plastic bag para sa pera nila! hwek hwek hwek. malalaki naman siguro ang denominations ng rupiah, mind you! :p pero sa 200 dollars mo, milyonaryo ka na sa indonesia! dun na lang tayo tira para matagurian tayong millionaires! :p

pacita abad and the alkaff bridge

i didn't know that a filipino artist had a gift to singapore until anthony came and raved endlessly about it!

pacita abad who was born in the place which, for me, is the ultimate destination in the philippines to go to and which i have yet to go to, batanes, painted the alkaff bridge which crosses the singapore river in robertson quay.

anthony, miriam, and i walked almost the entire length of the singapore river starting at boat quay to clark quay and finally to robertson quay just to find this very colorful bridge which was inspired by the artist's theme "circles in my mind".

because of its vibrant colors, the bridge looked to me like a playground from afar. it also seemed like a colorful rollercoaster because of its structure. at near proximity, the bridge was amazing for it elicited from us three wanderers the excitement to see the work of a renowned filipino artist whom we just heard of recently. and what more? it somehow gave us childlike feelings of joy and wonderment. i guess that's how the late pacita abad's works affect her audience for, as written about her, she painted on themes of colorful dreams. our childlike manners emerged at the bridge as depicted in the pictures below. :)

i'm quite sure that a few filipinos know of this bridge. well, it's time we promote it. and why not? it's from our very own! to top it off, it's a wonderful work of art! ;) too bad that pacita abad passed away in 2004 just in time to finish the painting of the bridge. i wished she had also painted a structure in the philippines. but the alkaff bridge is not only her gift to singapore. it's her gift to us filipinos as well because we can have something to be proud of!

tawid na sa alkaff bridge!

for more info about pacita abad's works, visit http://www.pacitaabad.com/ :)

polygamy and me plus you

polygamy is a state of being polygamous which is having more than one mate at the same time. what does it have to do with me?

well, i have and had been receiving comments from people like:

"kadaghan ba nimog laki emman uy."

"you change your boyfriends as often as you change panties."

"bisan kinsa na lang imong ma-type-an."

"hindi ka loyal ha. ang dami nila."

hmmm, to those who don't know me well, yeah, i appear to be polygamous because i seem to have millions of crushes but little do they know that i only ache and yearn for one true love! nakring! (naks and charing combined)

having crushes is so normal. wherever we are, we would always find some people whom we fancy because they are good looking, witty, or interesting. the difference between me and some people who don't seem to be polygamous is that i am just vocal about my crushes. and why not? i'm simply admiring what i like about them.

but at night or when i am alone or when i am with some people really close whom i trust my life with, i think about one special person. i talk about one person only. my world revolves around him. my crushes vanish at night. they vanish the moment i don't see them. but the one special person is one who stays with me round the clock. he is so close, he is one with me. he lives in my thoughts. he is the one who makes me wonder what he's doing, how he's doing, or who he is thinking about. he is the one whom i shower loving thoughts upon, wishing him well in all that he does. he is the one who confuses me, who makes me analyze things that need no analyzing. he is the one whom i wish i could ask to take our relationship to the next level since our friendship has exhausted all there is to know about each other in that level. he is the one i want. he is the one who makes me wonder what he is like as a lover.

he is my world.

you are my world.

you know who you are.

i have many crushes but i walk only with you during my solitary walks. i sleep only with thoughts of you at night. and it's only you i find in my waking hours wandering inside my head like an owner of a house: the house of my heart.

monday anticipation

oh monday dalian mo na!

can't wait for you to happen na, monday!

:D

i'm so excited
and i just can't hide it
for you monday!

:D

aishitemasu

beginnings have always been easy and simple

like love without pretense and reasoning.

over time, knowing you became my joy.

over time, my dreams build up through

never ending thoughts of you; the

very symptom of loving someone, of loving you.

ever present, ever near, ever here, ever you.

every waking and sleeping moment, there's

you, and you alone, my naughty angel, my love.

fire alarm

just now lang, when i entered the mantrap door to our department, the fire alarm went off. i was very startled while inside the mantrap door. when i regained my composure, i realized why it went off. it, of course, detected a hot object! ME!

i was smokin' hot baby! hot hot hot! :p

free spirit

i never realized that i was that until a friend pointed it out during his last visit and until i got an email from my previous boss saying things i never thought he'd tell me.

what a life! :D

to the world: here i come again! catch me if you can! :D

a so so life?

somebody asked me last night how i am. he should be wondering as it had been more than two weeks since we last saw each other.

i didn't answer his question. i asked him, instead, to guess how i am and was during my vacation. he surmised that i had a "so so" time. how utterly wrong he was! if i ask someone to guess how i am or was, it's always a hint of a blast i had! ;) it's always a hint that i have stories to tell! exciting stories! ;)

i told him i was in a rollercoaster ride for the past three weeks. yeah, you can say it's an emotional ride where there are unexpected rise and fall punctuated by alternating excitement and fear. but for me, it's more than that! this time. there are times i dread a rollercoaster ride. and there are times i ride with its surprises excitedly! and in the past three weeks, i rode a rollercoaster with much gusto. everytime i rose to some event in those three weeks, my emotions heightened preparing itself for the plunge. and my plunges were always welcomed. i dove expectedly with the screams and unexpectedly with the smiles i never knew i'd experience! yes, the last three weeks were a blast of a rollercoaster ride! there were moments that i got tired but it was expected from the exhilarating ride. but for the past three weeks, i'd always hopped on. and i will hopping on it still in the coming days. ;)

too bad, this guy never guessed it right. if he had, he would have been treated to stories only his imagination allowed him to go to! oh well, good thing there were other friends who were able to guess it, albeit not the specific details but the exhilarating feeling i had.

the last three weeks weren't so so. not ever very so so. and that goes for my life. everyday, i experience life in all its blacks and whites and grayness in between and the vibrant colors without which later become stories to tell that don't ever border on boredom. ;)

a very very wise friend once said, only boring people get bored. and i'll add to that that only boring people have a so so time! :p

nagpapahaba ng hair quotes of the day

When you resigned NSP, I was so sad, I missed you much.
Now, You show the smile to me, your smile make me happy.

The project was in heavy situation, because we lost irreplaceable person, you have gone.

Maybe always love you =)

you are always slender.

japanese gay quote of the day

miss lendu-san no kikiru wa imal desu!!!
- emmsville on ms lendu's love interest

quotes of the day

"thiz iz it na jud! swear!"
- emmsville on his recent love interest. this quote had people asking.

"If I meet genuine him instead of picture, I may be falling love with him. (It is Joke!) !"
- yammy-san when he saw emmsville's recent pictures at nsp. yammy-san used to be emmsville's boss.

"you change your boyfriends as fast as you change panties."
- adz to emmsville

"don't linger too long on roads that lead you to nowhere."
- emmsville as a reply to adz' quoteable quote

thiz iz it! swear!

eto ang mga status messages ng mga kaibigan ko ngayon:
- i'm in love... that's why i'm cheerful
- dance with me
- live. love. life.
- i know i'll never love this way again.... waaaahhhhhh.
- kung ako na lang sana ang iyong minahal...

ang sa kin naman: thiz iz it! swear!

well, some were curious bakit yun. wala lang... that's what i felt and what i said to myself sometime during my vacation in cebu! ;)

and ngayon i think it's a bit fitting also. lately, i haven't had enough rest. i'm tired. i'm feeling the peer pressure that dr. boholst once asked me about. sometimes i think that i'm too selfless. as louie put it in his testimonial, i'm one who is always ready to go the extra mile for a friend. at some point nakakapagod. i want to be selfish but my system doesn't allow me to. sometimes i feel like flying off to somewhere without anyone knowing where i am. i might just do that anytime soon. and there had been signs lately. i've been receiving in just one a span of a week, invitations to apply for two positions in the US. although, working in the US is no longer in my plans, i'm kinda tempted to go there at this time. eh, i haven't had any invitations before. tapos ngayon dalawa pa in the span of just a week! senyales nga siguro ito! kaya nasabi kong "thiz iz it! swear!"

but we'll see. going to the US would entail a lot of things. first and foremost, mas lalo na kong malalayo sa cebu. ahem! well, i'll see.

thiz iz it! swear!

ang pagbabalik ni boy :p

i wrote a poem in march 2004 for someone i saw for the first time... as in literally saw lang... we never spoke a word to each other that night although we heard each other speak in front of the audience... i can still recall when i went inside the cafe, he looked up from where he sat and for a brief moment, we locked eyes. kasama ko pa ang sobrang gandang si romeo nun pero i'm pretty sure that he glanced at me more interestingly than at my friend. that brief moment had me smitten for over two years!

this poem, i wrote that night when i got home after seeing him for the first time (tingnan nyo mali mali na ang sentence pattern ko. ganyan ang effect nya. hahaha)

"dear boy"

dear boy, you were so fine

if ivory were black
that would have been the color of your eyes --
they gleamed with fluorescent lights

you smiled shy
with a sleek metal that glimmered diamonds
among perfected snow white stones

dear boy, i couldn't sleep

i kept recalling how the seconds seemed still
with your every movement
your blinking
your smiling
your talking
your glancing my way

the seconds were so slow and long

dear boy, you were so fine
i hope to see you again

- march 2004 -

it was the first and last time i wrote a poem for or because of a stranger. ang suerte nya ha! hehehe... well, ok lang na isipin nya yun! totoo naman eh! :D

and may gaaaaaadddddddd!!! tama bang pag-uwi ko ay babalik ang lahat??? hehehe... yup, i saw him and had the best night during my short vacation in cebu! walang sensual encounter! kayo ha! kung ano anong iniisip nyo... it was just the best night ever. he was funny, honest, daring, sweet, and romantic. the last two descriptions he never knew he's capable of. well, i guess he just had to be with the right person! wink wink! hehehe... we talked for more than 6 hours non-stop. that night nasabi ko "THIS IS IT"! hehehe

anyways, i've been writing a poem in my mind for him but i won't put it on paper (or on blog) YET until it's perfected... by love! charush! hehehe

but for the meantime, this has been my theme song for him... ewan ko ba, when it's about him, parating merong "boy".. maybe because of his boyish looks and antics... hay... weeeeeeeeee!!!

"Push the Button" by the Sugababes

Push the button [x4]

I'm busy throwing hints that he keeps missing
Don't have to think about it
I Wanna kiss and
Everything erotic but he's too distant
I wanna feel his body
I can't resist it

I know my hidden looks can be deceiving
but How obvious should a girl be?
I was taken by the early conversation piece
And I really like the way that he respect me

I've been waiting patiently for him to come and get it
I wonder if he knows that he can say it and I'm with it
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Catch this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

I'm busy showing him what he's been missing
I'm kind of showing off for his full attention
My sexy ass has got him in the new dimension
I'm ready to do something to relieve this mission

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna diss the freak that I control

I've been dropping so many hints
You’re still not getting it
Now that you’ve heard everything I have to say
Where we gonna go from here?

After waiting patiently for him to come and get it
He came on through and asked me if I wanted to get with him
I knew I had my mind made up from the very beginning
Won't miss this opportunity so you and me could feel it 'cos

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

If you're ready for me boy
You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

(Come on) If you're ready for me boy
(For me boy) You'd better push the button and let me know
Before I get the wrong idea and go
You're gonna miss the freak that I control

starless

it's been a bit of a while since i had my room to myself. i look up towards my window. singapore's night skyline is starless as ever. i only saw stars here during those times i floated on my back in bullion park's swimming pool. the stars weren't as bright as how i remembered them when i lay sprawled on the beach of malapascua a couple of years ago. orion, which was the one constellation i could only figure out aside from the big dipper, was hard to trace here. there always will be times that you're going to miss some things. i miss the stars i could easily see in cebu. i miss the privacy of my room for the entire length of the night or day. i miss pipoy, my dog. i miss my settled stomach, my stomach that wasn't experiencing any acidic surges. i miss him. i miss some parts of me.

a friend told me some nights ago that with each choice we make, there are sacrifices made. i never gave much thought about it that night until tonight. coming here entailed not seeing the stars that enthralled me during my walks at night towards home. it entailed missing the rowdy greeting of pipoy every time i get home after a hard day's work or even after a hard late night out. trying to forget someone just so i could get off a rollercoaster ride of emotions entailed missing the one person whom i wanted to be with all the time. trying to restrain myself from being expressive meant cutting my spontaneity, cutting a part of me. there are indeed sacrifices made in every choice we make. knowing what one has sacrificed for one's choices can be hard at times. but one has to be prepared for those pangs of sadness. to begin with, one has to condition himself into not regretting the choices he makes. that's we get for choosing, right?

singapore's night skyline is starless as ever. my heart tonight goes out to the sacrifices i've made. i wish i could keep my room to myself a little longer. i wish i could hold him tonight. i wish i am myself tonight. i wish. i wish. i wish. but there are no stars to wish upon tonight.

anong tulog???

adrian jorge restauro! tinakot mo ko!

i suddenly felt that the snoring stopped. but i continued writing my last entry thinking that i could sleep after i finish it! my ging gang gooly gracious goodness, i felt that something was weird. i looked behind my back, blinked. didn't see anything. then i looked back again, no blink, and there was this black figure standing at the door! huwaaaaaaaaa!!! adrian kainis ka!!! ang dilim kasi ng room. he startled me! then the mokong just laughed!

hehehe... hahaha! then he told me that i was too engrossed with writing that i didn't notice daw na he was twirling pa pala may hair before he tiptoed towards the door. tinest nya if mararamdaman ko and matatakot ako! langya ka adrian! hehehe

at least a laugh would be a good way to end the night! good night aswang! hehehe

my own island

i'm a daydreamer. i conjure in my mind some situations i'd like to happen. i imagine a lot of things. during my schooldays, i used to imagine having my own island where all the people i care about, family and friends, live. i used to imagine that i'm the one thing in common with all the people living in this island of mine. i used to imagine spending my time and days going around all the houses in my island since they are homes to people who knew me and care about me.

recently, i've thought about how this dream has been, partially, coming true. the little island of singapore has somewhat become my island. when i came here, i knew a lot of people already, people who will see through with me happy and trying times. i've also unexpectedly met old acquaintances whom i never thought would be here and i've established some bond with them. and now, more of my friends are coming here. one is already snoring at this moment here in my room! hehehe. and to top it all, i've made new friends here through connections. singapore feels so "friendster". it feels so "multiply"!

some people find singapore boring. for me, i'm having a blast here! this just became my island. all that's left is to have my family here! and find super duper true love! hehehe

----

my toothache has evaporated. finally! blogging lang pala ang lunas! bwehehehe... i can finally sleep. good night singapore! :D

pain

some say the most unbearable pain is the pain borne by the heart: heartache (kadramahan). pero jessica zafra refuted this by stating in one of the installments of her book, twisted, that there's no pain like a toothache! agree! at bakit? it just woke me up. it's giving me a terrible headache. it's numbing some part of my neck. i can't go back to sleep. and i feel like it's the end of the world for me!

ano ba to??? sana hindi ito ung kinatatakutan ko! na nagpaparamdam na ang 3rd molar (wisdom tooth) sa left side ng set of teeth ko! november last year na-trauma ako sa ganito kasakit sa right side naman. kasi nag-eerupt na pala ung 3rd molar ko sa right side. akala ko may taning na ang buhay ko nun! akala ko wala nang 2006 for me! had to have it removed and had to suffer for four weeks recuperating. waaahhhh, ayoko nang magpa-remove ulit.

fairy toothmother, tulungan nyo naman ako. i just want to sleep!!! super big ang day tomorrow with activities i cannot miss! bigyan nyo na lang ako ng heartache. matanggal lang tong toothache! ay! i should be careful what i ask for, i might just get it! :p

puhleaze let me sleep.... hu hu hu

blooper #4 prediction

wag naman sana!!!!

i just called up francis to defrost the remaining fish that we have sa bahay. kasi i-si-steam ko sya! and then i remembered my bloopers today and my failed steamed fish kina sue the first and last time i attempted cooking steamed fish!!!!

wag naman sana tonight! puhleaze!

:p

bloopers

ha ha ha!!! :p

blooper #1:
i was helping out adz with his applications. i'd been sending emails to some friends and people whom i met once or twice and whom, from my vague recollection, i talked with about getting jobs in singapore. i came across a certain bert ocon's contacts in my phone. i emailed him stating that i was princess' friend whom he met at matt's despidida party a few days ago and that as what we discussed, i'd be sending him the resume of my friend once the latter gets here. this bert ocon replied that he's a migration specialist based on australia but that i wasn in luck since he's a filipino and a fellow cebuano. he drafted instead a migration proposal for adz! hehehe... as i went through again my phone's contacts, the person i should have contacted was a certain virgil cola! it was a total mix up! hahaha. hmmm, or could it be that that was a sign for something else? when i told adz about this, he said that maybe he's not meant to work in singapore. or it could be that i'm meant to move to australia! hmmm, matingnan nga ang proposal kay adz... hehehe... and now i remember who bert ocon really is. he's the consultant of tita butch, the tita of sue. :D super connection na naman ito! :p

blooper #2:
i sent an email to hermes about the prizes boney, larry, and i bought for the mooncake festival dice game we're having this saturday. ava! nag-reply ba naman ang hermes kung bakit ko daw sya binibisaya! when i read my email again, hahaha! bisaya words scattered all over! :p sorry herms, ka-email ko kasi lahat ng bisaya sa mundo today so ayun napuno na ng bisaya words lahat ng email ko! :p

blooper #3:
di ko sya actually blooper. and it isn't really funny. someone i know told a lie. i thought he was just going home for this month and then work again next month. he kept secret the real deal. ang hindi nya alam, all over the world ang connections ko and people just spill news on me! sabi nga ni sue, di pa nya alam ang "small world" phenomenon wherein kakilala ko ang kakilala mo or magiging kakilala mo. ayun, nahuli ko tuloy na nagsinungaling sya. and sabi nung source ko, nagulat daw sya nung tinanong sya about me kasi magkakilala kami nung source ko (onga naman!). hay nakakalito ito but i won't drop any names to protect the person pa rin. :)

blooper #4:
to come pa. hehehe

i wonder what other bloopers will happen today! masarap mag-blog pag mga bloopers! :p

a tapestry of events

had a very interesting afternoon... and a happy one at that!

first, before going out of the office to meet sue, i logged on to my gmail to ask miriam about something. before sya nag-reply sa question ko, she said that adrian just finished giving his farewell speech at nec. and superstar daw ako sa speech nya! ava! talaga naman! hehehe

had to call adz. i couldn't contain my excitement to know what he told everyone during his speech. well, sabi nya lang na nung tinanong na sya nung top 5 nya, i was the first one whom he mentioned! ang hava hava ng hair ko! hehehe... i asked him what reason he gave... he said he didn't say any reason at all. lalong humaba ang hair ko dun! akalain na sabihin nyang nasa top 5 nya ako na walang reason. i wonder what went through the minds of my ex-officemates.. pero expected naman yun e... may point din naman kasi in our lives na para kaming kambal tuko sa pagsasama palagi! i just remembered na na-special mention din ako ni dexter during his farewell speech din! ang noel ay report kaagad sa kin. of course, sino bang bading di maiinggit nun sa sobrang ka-cute-an ni dexie at binanggit pa ko. inisip siguro nila na merong something sa min ni daomingster. of course meron! strong friendship! :)

after that call, sue and i boarded bus 166 bound to harbourfront. nung nag-stop ung bus malapit sa science park (was it normanton sue?) . ava, merong dalawang guys na sumisilip sa amin ni sue sa window! nung nakita ko! holy mama! si heinz mark vargas! ang dating kilabot ng mga nsp girls and gays! hahaha... just yesterday and that morning i was trying to get his contacts coz i had to contact him about an opportunity that would fit him... i knew he started working here na pero haven't seen him pa... then kung kelan ko sya kinontact, saka ko sya accidentally nakita! serendipity daw un, sabi ni sue! uhm, iibigin ko na ba sya??? hehehe... of course not, taken na ang pusho ko! ubo! ubo! ubon! :p

then had a fun filled GNO (girl's night out) dinner at breeks with sue, lai, and romae... kami ni romae girly girly lang... so puede pa rin sa GNO! :p the four of us girls started this GNO last august.. every month after sueldo kain kami sa di pa namin nakakainan na restaurant and dapat alphabetical order! nung august, we went to athens in bukit timah. it's a greek restaurant. masarap din pala ang greek food. specialty nila ang different dips for their pitas. the only thing that we didn't quite like was the lamb lasagna... actually i forgot the name but lamb ung laman nya and eggplant na parang lasagna tingnan. we were supposed to have our B restaurant last september kaso naging complicated ang lives namin nun so na-postpone! so we went to breeks earlier. i think that was fusion restaurant! :p masawap din! and the waiters were mostly pinoys na in a way flirty flirty ng konti sa amin... hmmm, sino kaya ang natipuhan??? :D mahirap talaga pag maganda lahat ang kumakain! :D had some nice story telling with the girls... at syempre sino pa ba ang i-gi-grill nila kundi ako! sawi na nga ako sa pag-ibig, parang lusyang pa ang points ko dun sa GNO interview! hehehe

then coming home, ang highlight ng gabi? ay naka-chat ko si heinz for quite a while! may maiinggit na naman nito! pero wala friendly chat lang about how we both came here and found each other! CHARING! serendipity at it's finest! hehehe

but of course, when i go to sleep, i think of someone else... kahit minsan naiinis ako dun sa mga di ko malaman na bigla na lang pala magbabago ang plan nya kahit may napag-usapan na kami previously, masaya pa rin ako at okay sya. masaya ako at nakausap ko na naman sya kaninang umaga. rollercoaster ang damdamin ko ngayon dahil sa kanya. pero sige lang, pain is essential. napapa-alala nya sa kin yun. besides, pag mahal mo, ipaglalaban mo... pag mahal mo, kaya mong mag-antay. at sabi nga nila, enjoy ko na lang every moment i'm with him. :)

roland again

yesterday i sent roland an email. i haven't heard from him for quite a while. we haven't "seen" each other in MSN for some time already. yesterday rekindled our gusto for emailing each other. in 2004 and 2005, we were like inseparable via email. we would email each other daily. even on weekends! on weekdays, we'd email through our company's emails. at night and weekends, we'd email each other through my personal email account (through my PDA) and his mobile phone's email. there wasnt any dull moment talking with this very special friend. :) if there was, i don't remember it at all. ;)

yesterday i just burst out to him all my frustrations in this so-called love life of mine. before, it was him who came running to me about all his heartaches. now, it's my turn. i'm pretty sure we were meant to do this with each other! hehehe. i can say that i became part of his strength in braving against the turmoil of his love life. and now he is replacing with sense the confusion that is housing my heart and mind at this moment. thanks dear sir for all the support.

if only we were geographically near, i'd be receiving from this friend of mine all the hugs i need in this world! ;)


see you soon my dear sir! spring will be coming soon..... ;) the sakuras will be in full bloom when we see each other again. i hope the sakuras will be as lovely as the ones behind you in the picture above. and i hope by that time, you already like looking at trees like i do! hehehe

all is done

when you're so emotionally IN to someone, you fail to see the signs of how that someone is IN to you. the slightest attention that he gives you is magnified by your hopes into thoughts that he might have something special for you too. of course, you've got to be thankful that you've got friends who can shake you out of your deluded self from time to time. they give you glimpses of the real score between you and the object of your affection. sadly, more often than not, you still continue holding on even to the least attention that he gave you as far(fetched) as you can remember. in times like this, you should never forget to pray for a concrete sign. love can take you to a rollercoaster ride especially if the object of your affinity is giving you mixed signals.

good thing for me that i've been hoping and waiting for a sign. the heavens sent me not just a concrete sign, but a sign that was so into my face. it just came to me without the need to decipher or interpret anything. it was plain, simple, easy to understand and digest. it hurt but at least that shook me out of my dreams. i can finally get off the rollercoaster ride.

vuzy az a vee

i'm going home. oct 24. till oct 30. gosh! would that be enough? so many things to do. so little time. kailangang: bday party for my mama (pronounced as mamahhh), meet the friendships, pampering at senses twice, hair makeover at franz, meet the igats, visit fe and my inaanak jeya, girlalou laag with some girlalous, meet d---e-, meet -r---, meet -d-, meet j-----a-, attend toastmasters, weekend mania in boljoon (in my dreams baby!), and of course shopping galore!

but before i go, do i even have time to finish all my tasks here??? i'm waiting for deliverance while working out for my deliveries!!!

kaya ko toh! darna!

soulmates

i never had a firm belief (or disbelief) about soulmates. at some point in my life, i believed in people having soulmates. but at this time, as i think about it, i believe that a soulmate is just something that people want to believe to exist because they are longing for that someone to fill a void in their lives, someone to understand them, someone whom they can share interests, hopes, and dreams with, someone to defy the world with, someone to fully open up with. but if we really think about it, we can do this with ordinary people around us especially with people whom we can love or who can love us.

but if one meets such person, one might just consider him a soulmate nevertheless because he fits the description. it isn't that bad to believe in soulmates after all. but what we should be conscious about is that we don't have to wait for that kind of person. we just have to be open as well as open our eyes. love is just lurking around in some people for us. they can just very well be our soulmates. they break through us if we allow them to. we can share with them our dreams if we want to. they can fill the void in our lives if we open up ourselves to them.

fair nga ba?

they say all is fair in love and war. but what if your rival has an advantage over you? like in the case of love, even if you have more love to give than your rival, but the object of both of your affections will, predictably, choose your rival because of what she has that you don't. in my case, my rival has the V to be proud of just by being a woman. anong panlaban ko dun?

the soft side

i always feel a pinch in my heart every time i witness softness in a person especially from a person whom one doesn't expect to show some emotion.

earlier i witnessed someone whom i just recently come to know a little bit more, someone who i think epitomizes a hyperactive and outgoing personality, wipe the tiny tears forming from the side of his eyes that tried to betray his jovial personality. and he wasn't even ashamed to exclaim that he was teary eyed!

it's admirable to see someone like that and from someone whom i think has gone through a lot with his life but has kept a very sunny disposition.

i wish him well in his life! ;) and i wish all those with a soft heart well in life. well, actually, i wish everyone well in his life! :D

friendster and trust

i was walking down memory lane earlier via friendster. i looked at friends' photos. while looking at their pictures, i remember how i had formed bonds with them. it makes me smile recalling how a number of those friends have shared so much of them to me. i recall most of them sharing sensitive things they've never shared to anyone except to me and to a handful other friends. and, to think, that some of them aren't what i consider really close that at this time i haven't heard from them anymore. but still they trusted me with information about themselves that they're confident i'd bring with me to the grave. yeah, i guess people see me as someone who can be trusted with their secrets (most especially the unpleasant or dark ones). and just recently a number of people have shared to me some things i never thought they'd share to me. well, they're assured of sekwecy from me! :D

as i've told some of them who trusted me, i could blackmail them and a lot other people if i wanted to. good thing that's not my nature! :D

it always pays off to be trustworthy. you get to have plenty of friends whom you can turn to anytime, anywhere, anyhow! :)

pag-ibig nga ba?

marami ang palatandaan ng pag-ibig. tulad na lang ng:

- kaya mong tingnan ang buhok nya sa ilong na sumisilip pabalik sayo kahit nakakadiri at yan ang ayaw na ayaw mong makita sa isang tao. pero pag sya, ok lang kahit mahaba ang hair... sa ilong... hehehe
- kaya mong pagmasdan ang pagtulog nya habang naaamoy mo ang bad breath sa hininga nya. ini-inhale mo ang ini-exhale nya kasi ang nasa isip mo lang is that that is the closest you could ever get to him.
- tanggap mo ang sakit ng hindi pag pansin nya syo. iniisip mo na lang na magmahal lang ng walang kapalit na kailanganin.
- pangarap nyay pangarap mo rin para sa kanya.

nakaka-relate ba kayo? may tao na nakakapagpagawa sa inyo ng ganyan? iilan lang yan sa mga ka-cornyhan na kaya mong gawin pag meron kang kinikislapan ng iyong mga mata. may mabababaw kang nagagawa tulad na lang ng paghigop ng bad breath nya at meron namang malalalim tulad ng paghahangad ng kabutihan para sa kanya kahit na ang kahahantungan nun ay walang magiging "kayong dalawa".

sige lang. ok lang. pag-ibig naman yan e.

sabi nga ng isang kaibigan at housemate, hindi sa pag-ibig nagmumula ang sakit. nasa rejection! ano daw? pakiulit! rejection! oo nga naman. masarap ang magmahal. pero masakit ang hindi ka mahalin ng minamahal mo. subalit. datapwat. ngunit. di naman siguro kailangang mahalin ka ng minamahal mo para ka sumaya. makita mo lang syang masaya, dapat masaya ka na rin. ibuhos mo pa rin ang pagmamahal mo na walang ini-expect na kapalit. pero kung hindi mo kaya ang hindi ka nya mahalin, aba mag-evaporate ka na lang o di kaya i-unlove mo sya. magsimula ka sa pagtitig ng mabuti sa buhok nya sa ilong. hehehe

a kiss in the dream

i never thought i'd be very excited over someone's coming over until i dreamt about it the other night. yeah, i'm happy that he's coming soon but to dream about it is so haller!!!??? errr, i didn't really dream about his arrival but i dreamt that there's a "we", an "us". he even kissed me in my dreams! and i thought, "in his dreams baby! in his dreams!" :p

i've always considered him only as a very good friend. although, he's always grumpy and suplado, i'm always able to ward off his negativity away from me, and away from him as well. that's probably why he always wants to see me when we're not separated by oceans and seas. hehehe. assuming! :p

anyways, i'm looking forward to his coming! heck, i'm excited! very very excited! it's been a very long time since i saw him. and if ever my dream would come true, a very dear friend of mine will be celebrating! tsk tsk tsk! hehehe.

the real blues

waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

just came from the wash room (toilet, cr). and guess what? what??? the handsomest singaporean ever nandun. naka-blue. HUWAT??? napatingin sya sa kin. napatingin naman ako sa sarili ko sa salamin!!! ang HAIR ko HINDI mahaba!!!! ang sagwa! itong trabaho talagang toh oo!

naalala ko na now... nung nag-cr ako kaninang umaga after ako dating sa office, ang gulo gulo ng buhok ko! kaya pala siguro ma-chika si baoxiang sa kin kanina. baka gusto nyang isingit sa conversation namin ang tanong na "mahangin ba sa labas???". at kaya siguro tingin nang tingin sa kin si prasana ay gusto na nya akong suklayan!!!

ano ba toh! nag-blue pa talaga si beaumont, the handsomest ever singaporean to ever walk this earth! (daming nunal eh!)

balik na naman ang blues!

morning blues and whites

as i walked away from home this morning for work, i was feeling a bit melancholic recalling the text message i got from raki, the one word that francis coined about me the previous night, and yeah, the previous night.

i read raki's text when i woke up. she must have sensed that i felt stressed the day before yesterday. my psychic friend said she was just singing "healing" in her mind and remembered me! i miss you too raki! :)

francis asked me last night if i was already fine after the "episode" i displayed the night before. was it really that bad? for him to call my momentary withdrawal from the group an episode??? when in fact, part of the reason i was so stressed out when i went home was i couldn't connect to the internet due to the number of spywares in my computer that accummulated only that day! haven't told him this though. i have to find a good timing with me having a good mood! :p but i feel sad for my other friends to witness that "episode". i didn't mean to be obnoxious guys, gay, and gal. if i was, i'm sorry.

good thing my morning didn't just invoke the blues out of me. the whites came out of nowhere that made the blues disappear! ;)

when i arrived at buona vista mrt, there was white #1. baoxiang, my cutie cutie team mate. he's wearing a WHITE shirt. :) i caught up with him at the bus, sat beside him, and he was the first one to initiate a conversation. he seemed interested in me. hmmm interesting. :p

white #2. as baoxiang and i crossed the street near our office, out of nowhere came prasana, the only indian guy i found really really handsome in singapore! he smiled at baoxiang but kept looking at me. he stole baoxiang away from me but he kept stealing glances at me too while talking with him. and guess what? he was wearing a WHITE shirt as white as his teeth! when we exited at the same time from the man-trap doors to our department, i saw him, at the corner of my eyes, take a last glance at me with a smile before proceeding to his cube opposite my direction. of course, i didn't look back. i had to appear hard to get! hahaha. he seemed very very interested. hmmm very very interesting! :p

so now, i'm not feeling the blues. i was quite excited by the interest they showed. and i was drawn to the whiteness, the whiteness of their shirts! :p

what a morning! :D

thumb drive

b: ah, m, do u have a thumb drive?

(e overhearing, swivels around to the two talking, m and b.)

e: i have a thumb drive. (thinking: did i give a beautiful smile?)

b: oh, ok.

(m smiling behind b.)

e: but it's only 256mb. is that enough?

b: ahehehe. i have a 256mb too. maybe both will be enough. can i borrow it?

e: ok. ah, it's one dollar per minute.

b: ahehehe.

(e thinking: how super duper cute!)

(later)

b: here it is. thank you.

e: ok. (thinking: were my lashes batting the right way?)

(and a bit later)

b: can i borrow your thumb drive again?

e: sure. here it is. (thinking: you can borrow my thumb too! hahaha)

surprise bday partly

bday ni mareng sue nung sept 3. napag-isipan naming mga hausmeyts mag-throw ng surprise party para sa kanya sa sept 2 sama ang mga kakilala namin sa buong singapura. so mega-plan kami and mega-execute nung plans before the actual surprise surprise. kaso, imbis na maging surprise bday party sya, naging surprise bday partly sya! :p

ganito sana namin sya dapat i-surprise:

7 PM ang alam nya na punta sa bahay para sa isang munting salo salo together with friends. pero 5 PM dapat nandun na lahat ng kakunchaba. by 5 dapat ready na ang food, decorations, and na-orient na lahat sa gagawin. ang gagawin dapat ay pagdoorbell ni kumare, lights off, candles sisindihan, tahimik, bubuksan ko ang pinto, pagpasok ni kumare, labas lahat with mega sigaw ng happy birthday! super surprise noh?

pero ganito ang nangyari:

habang nagluluto ako ng spaghetti at around 2 or 3, ka-text-text ko si kumare kung san na sila, at iba pang fishing questions para malaman ko kung anong oras sila punta. may nag tip kasi sa akin na aagahan nila kasi tutulong daw sa pagluluto ko. etong kumare ko talaga, matulungin. kahit ayaw mong papasukin sa kusina, pasaway yan. anyways, kailangang di siya makapunta ng maaga sa house. so change of plans, meet ko sila ng husband nya. si romae na ang magbubukas ng pinto. so mega inaliw aliw ko sina kumare sa mall kahahanap ng libro for her and for ken (ba't nasama si fafa ken? eh nag request ng gift eh! hindi ko matanggihan ang ka-guapuhan nya!). by 7 ready na daw sila sa bahay. so uwi kami. text ko pa si romae na mag-te-text ako pag nasa gate na kami ng condo. nasa taxi pa lang ako, text na. paglabas pa lang namin ng elevator sa floor ng unit namin, aba, nakita ko na ang mega sale ng mga sapatos sa labas ng door namin. nasabi ko na lang "ay, marami na palang tao sa loob". blooper number 1 yan! pagdating sa door, may drama pa akong "ay, nakalimutan ko pala ang susi. tapos nag lock pa sila. doorbell na lang tayo." so doorbell ako! ava! bigla ba namang may clicking sounds (sinisindihan pala ang mga kandila). at ang tagal binuksan nung pinto kahit mega doorbell na ko. sabi ko na lang "ano ba yan? ano kayang pinag gagawa nila at di pa to mabuksan buksan?". baka nasa cr lang naman silang lahat. ngumingiti na si kumare. ine-expect na yata na may circus na sa loob. blooper number 2 itu! finally binuksan ang pinto! ang cameraman na si chris sobrang kita kahit magsingkulay na sila ng dim lights. eh parang ang ganda naman kasi ng red light ng video cam!!! hehehe. so ayun naglabasan na lahat. buti na lang merong confetti at may surprise na nangyari! hehehe

anyways, masaya ang gabing yun. people who were there were of course si kumareng susan ang nag-bi-bday, ang nakailang propose na sa kanya na asawa nya na si daddy johnx, the Y My God hausmeyts romae, shih, and moi, the angelic lai with her mommy and her brawny beau, jason, the aston mansion dudes and dudette (boney, larry, rence), the ever hyper jonathan coronel, the sometimes grumpy but always smiling chris, the maraming crush hermes, the housemate of chris and herms na si joel and his wife, rosalind the admired (by everyone) and soulmate ni shih, the isang bisita nina sue (forgot his name sowee) hehehe, and of course the love is sweeter the 2nd time around coz he's handsomer na papa ken with his sis christine and buddies christine and mark. i think everyone had a blast especially nung naglaro na ng cranium na naipanalo naman nung team ng bday girl. (to the other teams: guys thanks ha na pinagbigyan natin sila. hehehe). then sa trumps naman, naging reyna pa rin ang bday girl dahil na-perfect nya ang score sa trumps! ang galing talaga pag nag bday! :D

anyways, kahit naging suprise bday partly lang un, super saya naman. and we hope masaya din yung kumare ko! ;)

stressful day

yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. far away from where i wanted them to be. because they were just near me.

had a very stressful day. i thought it was going to be a wonderful day actually. i saw my four major crushes in the office more than once in one day. and i saw them, out of the corner of my eyes, stealing glances at me! but was tense due to:

1. interfacing between my engineer friends and recruiter friend for job applications
2. battling with the tigerairways site to book my flight to paradise. my credit card was forever denied! i had to make my booking via phone which cost me $6 more!
3. planning about my trip home with lots and lots of conflicts! my lola going home on oct 25. some friends planning to come over on last week of oct. i even forgot about raki's wedding! plus i didn't know if my manager would approve my leave. arrrggghhh... good thing my manager said i could take a week's vacation but only on the 4th week of october.
4. people rushing to me for this and that... and it of course includes work!

when i got home, ahhhh, nadagdagan pa. kakahiya coz we had visitors pa but i was so silent. pagod lang talaga guys. (i know you're going to read this) ;)

and it's not always about him. trust me! ;)

bigla na lang

nagbabalik ang mga dating nakasanayan. sabi nga nila things happen for a reason. siguro even if i had my share of being aloof and trying to put some distance with some people, the greater scheme of things had it that way. i learned a lot kasi. and i know i shouldn't be doing that anymore. especially when all i wanted to do was just express myself. but i kept myself from doing that. anyways, i'm glad na nagbalik ang mga dating nakasanayan. :)

(it's not comfort zone i'm talking about. it's just something that i wanted back to happen again these past few days.) :)

cute :D

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the celebrities in me

my bf (bestfriend po) adrian sent a link to a face recognition website where you upload your photo and the site analyzes your face and gives you the celebrities whom you kinda look like. i had fun trying out my photos and here are the results.

me 1:

that ever beautiful smile me!

the celebrities in me:

lisa ling. 76% kamukha ko. sino toh??? well, exotic naman beauty nya. parang nymph of the woods naman ung beauty nya. puede na rin. diyosa na rin tulad moi! :D

eddie murhpy!!! 75% kamukha ko! gosh! san ba kamimagkahawig??? ah, may flower nga naman sa ears. puede na rin! :p

petra nemcova. 73% kamukha ko. di ko kilala pero di na kailangang mag-comment. there are traces of me in her face! ang GANDA nya! :D

me 2:

sophistaced look of moi!


the celebrities in me:

yund li. 70%. huwatttt? sino ka? may bug ang software nila!

christian bautista. 66%. buti na lang na-redeem ung first one. hehehe. sa mga may crush kay christian dyan, i'm your altertative. for guys only nga lang! :p

jude law!!! 64%. may gaaaaaaadddddddddd!!! my delicious idol! nasa top 50 celebrity crush list ko toh!!! magkamukha talaga ang mga magkakatuluyan noh? :p

me 3:

ngiting may kasamang kaba kasi ang nasa likod ko nyan ay taong nagpapakaba sa akin! char! :p


the celebrities in me:

camille velasco. 67%. kung ayaw nila sa kin sa philippine idol, mag-a-american idol ako! :p

rajneesh. 66%. major bug ng software!

won bin!!! 60%. muntik akong himatayin dito! nasa top 3 ko ito ng asian crushes ko! hehehe. hi won bin! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! :D

at yan lang naman ang mga celebrities na i-po-post ko. what i posted here are the top 3 "matches" sa kagandahan ko except kay won bin! i just couldn't pass it up. nasa panglima yata si won bin. kailangan lang makita ng mundo ang kaguapuhan nya na bagay sa kagandahan ko! :p aside from these celebrities, kamukha ko rin pala si neve campbell, leelee sobieski, and demi moore! :D

try nyo na rin the site at http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php. patawarin na lang ninyo kung merong bugs! like me, be assured of the fact na the site is not perfect unlike sa tin. hehehe. :p

gawad kalinga and poverty

madz earlier sent an inspiring story about the volunteers in gawad kalinga. here's the link:

http://newsinfo.inq7.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view_article.php?article_id=17994

i just had to share it to some friends whom i believe have the heart for such causes. who knows? it might change the lives of some of our friends, di ba? and prod them into their calling (kung yun man ang calling nila). :)

a friend answered my email saying that it's sad that these volunteers are being taken advantage of in the philippines. well, sa pagka-haba-haba ng reply ko, ayoko syang i-paraphrase. so i'll post my reply here na lang. it's one way also of sharing my thoughts (which are still incomplete hehehe) about poverty to my other friends. :)

--------

we cannot itemize the countless possible causes of poverty. yeah, what
you cited could be one. education is indeed one defining factor. and
you are right, the government is not wholly to blame. but "the people"
itself doesn't have the right attitude towards improving things. we
don't have the discipline as a people. i remember a friend when asked
how the country could be improved, he simply said to change the people
living in the philippines. if you think about it long and hard, this
could be very well the cornerstone from which the other causes of
poverty have rested on. you just even mentioned one word which is
detrimental to our country, and that is abuse. that's one sad attitude
that our fellowmen have.

but we are already an impoverished country. we cannot go on analyzing
the causes of poverty. it will only make us feel bad about our country
and countrymen. those who are aware and have the sympathy and empathy
to help (like us, i hope) should do something. that's why i find it
inspiring that some people are leaving behind all the comforts of
their lives to help out the poor. yes, some of these poor people may
take advantage of those who help them but there are still those who
really need the help. and that's why the people in GK are commendable
because they seem to embrace everyone. they seem to shelter everyone
without regard for anything except that these people need their help.
it's just like unconditional love. :)

stories/news like this can either make you embittered or better. when
one is embittered, one just doesn't do anything. when one becomes
better, one might even find something worthwhile to do with his life
like the volunteers in GK. even if there are those who will take
advantage, it shouldn't stop the volunteers (or us) from helping. there are those who really need the help. :)

guimaras 8/11 tragedy

i didn't know that there was an oil spillage off the southern coast of the beautiful island guimaras due to the sinking of an oil tanker, polluting the sea with black oil thus destroying marine life and affecting the lives of over 4,000 coastal families. i just found out about it today when a friend forwarded me an email. this is what i get for not reading the news often. we can do something about it. we can help. just visit the site www.projectsunrise.org. there are instructions to help there. you can even just have a haircut at any salon that collects and donates the hair for the use of cleaning up the oil. one salon is the ricky reyes salon. your hair can help guimaras.

ang aga

kong nagising! pero eto blogging kasi waiting for romae na matapos sa banyo...

parang tapos na yata... makaligo na nga!

yipeeeeee!!! it's going to be a lovely day! :D

our string

at each end
of
a string
we
placed ourselves
opposite
to draw
each other
hopefully
meeting midway

you clutched
your end
with
a loose grip
while i
i had wrapped
my end
around
my hands

but
instead of
walking
towards each other
guided by
this string
i had pulled
hard
while you
you had let go

i fell
bringing with me
our string
and
i felt
my hands
wounded
then
i saw you
just
watch me
bleed

03-03-03

already there you were standing
i didn't look up right then
just had to appear composed
but when i did look up
oh, what incredulous heart i had!
pulsating furiously, sweating deep down
sending shivery currents through my skin

your face bore the eyes
whose soul i wished to capture
but the enigma remained
the shyness hid what lay beneath
as opposed, the smile drawn on your face
conveyed the jovial heart i sought

the curves of your mouth that formed that uptight grin
elicited in me a plethora of memories
the blissful taste of a first kiss
the playful tongue that intertwined with mine
the purplish hue that marked a sweet nip
the saline taste of blood brought to my mouth
by the only lips i yearned to kiss again

and in an instant, beside me you were near
i wished to take your arms
and wrap myself in your embrace
but i could only take hold of an imagination

perhaps lady luck saw my longing
your playful hand found its way to mine
oh, what spell did you cast on me?
for with your touch, I began to stammer
words were harder to utter
your nimble fingers i could never ignore
as invisible hearts were drawn on my palm
as my own fingers were being caressed
as my hand is cupped and then kissed
by the same lips I longed to kiss again

and as you were doing all these magic tricks
my mind and heart wondered and wandered
with blind hope, i closed my eyes
igniting my thoughts that you would kiss me next
and as i prepared my lips for that elusive kiss
the clanging of a thousand bells were closing in like a train

startled, i awoke from a slumber i wished never distracted
but with hopes all high up and pitted against the dream
i scrambled to answer the calling of the thousand bells
i could only wish with a heavy prick in my heart
i hope it's you and that you remember, my love

to the one i'd share my dreams with on mornings

my mornings have never been the same
since the morning i saw you with closed eyes.
you were a beautiful creature beside me
an angel personifying mysterious curiousity.
you had your eyes closed, sleeping
in between thoughts and hesitation.
i had my eyes on you, hoping
in between thoughts and hesitation.
i sent you love through my fingers
when i held your hand for the first time.
i remember you mumbling that it was morning.
your liquerish voice sounded like
that of a seducer's call for me to give in to.
but i had already succumbed to you
even before you spoke a word the first time i saw you.
and that morning, i surrendered to you,
your desires and mine, intertwined.
i was love and i hoped you were too,
my angel, my beautiful naughty angel.

my mornings have never been the same.
i shared with you bits of me: dreams,
histories, touches, kisses, and love.
when you left, you knew me.
when you left, you had me.

my mornings have never been the same since then.

the game we played

i spread the cards on the table
and asked you to play with me
though your air smelled hesitation
you accepted, feigning glee

let both our hearts be the stake
'twas my earnest and silent call
the lots we bet on this game for two
we could both share it all

and i began the game
anticipating beginner's luck
confident of gaining many
among the cards in the pack

this novice' heart reviewed the rules
for every draw of a card
excited by the minute
thinking winning wouldn't be hard

feeling my greatest fortune
with the number of cards i drew
i gave you your chance to win
my prize, that i'd gladly give you

but in my utter disbelief
after a very few draw
you laid your cards face down
left me, i'm wondering what my flaw

examining your cards
i was only left more bewildered
couldn't make out if you won
or if you merely surrendered

the game that i imagined fun
and wanted to last so long
ended in an eye's blink
leaving me wondering what went wrong

luckily i saw the bets you placed
before our game began
the aftermath didn't hurt much
when you destroyed my gameplan

but whether you won or just gave up
you didn't have my prize
all along i had my own guise
you see, i was not unwise

but due to a fun that was cut short
as well for old time's sake
i'd like to play again with you
one more game for us to fake

------
another poem i wrote in 2003. i think it's sometime in may 2003.

making enemies

they say that one sure way of gaining enemies is to talk about religion or politics. people have died over the years defending their beliefs or attacking other people's beliefs. even when some people belong to one group having (supposedly) homogeneous beliefs, there is always some form of differences, no matter how minute, as people tend to have their own interpretations.

in my case, i tend to talk about religion with my friends, especially with my guy friends. i've had countless coffee shop or street discussions with adz, louie, dexter, edward, oliver, franz, neil, afu, and, recently, with boney. i don't mean to make them my enemies, but it's strange that there are always moments when the topic of religion springs up in conversations with these guys. probably because with my girl friends, i talk about them guys! hehehe. anyways, i just notice that the guys do have the conviction to sway you to their beliefs whether directly or indirectly. most would think that i am someone who has a distorted set of beliefs. that's probably why some would invite me to their cause. but no thanks. i may not be able to verbalize well what i believe, i do have my own set of beliefs.

discussing religion can indeed reach to some form of heated debate. that's when danger can come; when the opposing parties put their emotions too much on the subject. first and foremost, to avoid such painful discussions, both parties should be agreeable on disagreeing. secondly, each should keep in mind that the belief we hold to ourselves may not be the absolute truth. well, this statement is even debateable. hehehe.

but to be really on the safe side, if you don't want to run the risk of gaining enemies, avoid talking about religion or politics! :p

singapore and trees

one thing i really like about singapore is its abundance of trees. i love trees. i love looking at trees! i remember in autumn of 2004 when i met for the first time my dear swiss friend roland; he told me he found it silly that people would travel to some parts in japan such as kyoto just to look at trees. he was quite surprised when i told him i'm one of those people who like looking at trees. i don't know if roland was disappointed in me then, being a bubbly and supposedly interesting person that he thought i was but who liked looking at trees! silly me, he must have thought! hehehe.

anyways, singapore is a very green city. i'm loving this place because of it. i had a picnic earlier at east coast park with sue, johnx, romae, shih, lai, and judith. i was refreshed by the sight of a lot of trees! it erased whatever negative vibes i injected into myself that day and the previous night. i'm glad there are lots of trees here! also, the other night when i visited reggie's place at clementi park, boney joked that i could build my treehouse in one of the trees in clementi! well, why not? (interesting grin) :p but larry posed a problem. what would happen to my treehouse if i had a "jug-jugan" tryst happening there? that shouldn't be a problem at all! if you want to know the solution to that, drop me a line. i'd be happy to give you a demo! :p

being a lover of trees, i have a mini-tree in my room. here it is:


it makes me smile. and i wouldn't remove it from my room even if boney advised me that in feng shui and science, it's not good. well, i'll only remove it if..... that's for me to know and for you to find out! :p (yeah, i know it's your line but let me use it to address to you! :p)